Modern Jingling All the Way

I wonder if anyone noticed that our Celebration of Christmas Concert was noticeably different than it has been for the last umpteen years. I haven't even spoken to my conductor about this but it definitely had a different flavor. It was more up, happy, joyous - still with the touches of calm and reflection that are necessary but - overall - I really liked it.

I'm the chorus manager. The resume of a chorus manager goes something like this - listen, evaluate, wait, deliver calmly. I have watched this chorus over a few year -26 - in its various stages. I love these people with all of their failings. Typical night in the life of a chorus manager: meet early with upset chorus member whose feelings were hurt by crotchety old man, listen to the tears, offer reconciliation and try to adjust the seating; answer 10 questions about where the red scarves are; walk the stage to make sure there are no outstanding obstacles in the way; preset music for Jingle Bell work; glasses on/cell phone off; preview again the sits and stands; check with stage manger on times; tell warmer upper when to warm up; interface with stage manager about are we holding or not; line up chorus; issue last minute announcements in even way without putting anyone down - just the facts like, "Don't take off your scarves before you leave the stage." No need to comment on the professional or unprofessional aspects of it. . . rehearse; during the day field 12 phone calls from conductor; read 14 emails from happy/sad people; music off the stage for conductor - oh, and glasses.. .. mostly it's about people.

I spend most of my time interacting with uncomfortable people. People always have complaints. Each person has a reason for complaints. I need to work on being more even with people who should really know better - who should already understand we cannot cause people to be disconcerted before they sing. The last two days alone I've been personally insulted by grumpy old men, cried on, snipped at and otherwise been underappreciated - here's the catch - SO WHAT. I knew that when I took the job back and I'm in a place in my life where it's absolutely okay. I let people own their own problems. People are grumpy, upset, insecure because their lives, at some point, have been upset. I cannot fix that. I fix the moment - the immediate problem. I anticipate and request to be sent out emails about chairs. Next year to add to the list - remember your scarves. I've found a way to stay calm and focused on the music and not get bogged down in the triviality. The most important thing is to put a calm, happy, focused chorus on the stage. Now, go ahead and try to make 170 people happy :) See the problem. So, we shoot for a majority. . . and pray the others are smart enough and intelligent enough to realize it.

I am not an autonomous individual on concert night. There isn't a decision I make that isn't weighed in the light of the staff's philosophy. I have to think like they do. I think people think I have a Napoleon complex - the fact is - I've been given my marching orders and they are easy enough to process. I work hand in glove with the staff to create the evening. Compliment are coming in for our professionalism in dealing with the staff of venues where we perform.

The only fly in my ointment is that people make assumptions for me. . they assume I'm too busy to find. Other people might be sought out - but I am not. I mix with as many people as possible on concert nights to appear egalitarian and supportive of as many people as possible. This apparently means that I'm inaccessible to some. I hope that doesn't stay that way because it's translating into my outside the Chorale life. Sometimes it would be nice to just be asked and for people to understand that I'm just busy and need others to come to me on occasion - especially concert nights. But, again, as I've learned - I cannot make other people do anything. There is no way on earth because people usually do exactly what they want to do - and as much as they protest they really are doing what they intend to do.

That aside - I absolutely had a ball at the concert. The second night was more fun and much more of a spiritual experience for me than the first. I always thank God that I get this opportunity every year. Now,on to next concert and, oh yeah - I'm working props for Oklahoma.

Full Contact Caroling

Not exactly full contact - but definitely marthon like.
Last night was not a "hit it out of the park" kind of night for any group with whom I sang. First caroling gig - Parole Town Center - it had it's challenges. In my vow to not be critical of any one person. . I will only say that it was a group effort at mediocrity. I'm a member of that group.

Next gig - WBAL Children's Fund concert - better. Only thing that really annoyed me there, and that annoys me at any time - is to lose my "lostness" in the music by someone pointing up with a wise expression at everyone - indicating "you are going flat". As if the group I was with actually had to be told that - those people with whom I was singing - are just fine musicians - and know better. Not to mention the group leader was involved in the singing and didn't even budge to knowingly look at us and point up like. . . okay you guys - it's really important not to go flat - really? I didn't know that.

Back to my same argument which has been repeated over and over and over again in this blog: Get your head out of the music and put your heart into it. Suspend judgment of yourself and others and just do your best - you cannot control other people. Isn't that amazing - you cannot control other people. No matter how well you want them to sing you have absolutely no control over that. So, what does that leave you - well, that leaves you YOU. YOU are the only one you can be responsible for in the long run.

Many people annoy you. Fact. Singing next to everyone isn't the best experience. Fact. Here's another fact - why should I feel so privileged that I expect to always have situations around me perfect? Ain't gonna happen. Perfection has only been achieved by one Being of which I am aware. If someone knows someone else - let me know.

I think you have to examine your motivations. Are you singing to sing with a perfect group? Find another group. Are you singing to sing with a group who is accurate all the time? Find another group. Are you singing to make perfect music? Find another group. I really hurt for people who were raised by the critical and then internalized that critical nature in themselves. Worse, they are also critical of themselves. What is the result - they back off. They never jump over the edge - they always carefully check to see if it's safe, if it's okay, if they can get it back if they make mistakes. Jump people!

I once had someone say that when you sing, you think with your heart and feel with your brain. . . many of us need to get that process in place. Love what you do. . . put everything into it. . invest your heart, soul, and mind into it and realize that there is absolutely NOTHING that you can do about mistakes or flatness around you.

It just frustrates me and, guess what? It frustrates me more than someone singing flat. I really want everyone to have a WONDERFUL time just singing. Do I want you to bring your A game? Darn straight I do. Do I want you to care about it as much as I do? Yep. Do I have any control over that - NOPE. So, what does that leave me - the music and me. And that's what it comes down to - the music and me.

Indulging in Musical Snobbery. . .

I am disquieted in spirit.
Thinking back on the weekend I can point to several basic points in which this disquiet could have entered and, most probably, did.
I do not generally speak ill of a fellow performer at this point in my life. I have in the past but I decided conciously to put that behind me. About the only person who I will say what I really think to about anyone in particular is my BF. She gets that it isn't meant to hurt anyone and its just my personal feelings. Other people, no matter who they are might be offended by this expression and its best to keep your unsolicited opinions to yourself on most occasions.

This weekend I had a very special opportunity. My music director is also a cover conductor for the NSO in Washington DC. He regularly works with Marvin Hamilisch. So, my Bf and I went to hear Shirley Jones and Patrick Cassidy in a partially staged version of "The Music Man". I really wanted to be impressed. . . I really wasn't. Now, the same afore alluded to Music Director is also the director of a 175 voice Chorale in which I sing. We also do staged versions of musicals and, I must say, we do it MUCH better. Mr. Hamlisch, while a nice man - had a brief exchange with him backstage, and Mr. Cassidy - also equally as kind - are not what I expected them to be. Marvin Hamlisch should take lessons from my friend the music director - not on how to play the piano - but on how to be exciting! And Mr. Cassidy - should just take lessons. His mother, Shirley Jones, does pretty well in the older roles but should definitely not do solo repertoire anymore. So, I guess I'm hypercritical of things I pay good money to see.

Fast foward the evening to the end. Backstage - meet Marvin Hamlisch, meet Patrick Cassidy - good. Off for a drink with music director friend. We're enjoying perfectly pleasant conversation when a member of the City Chorus who provided the chorus for the perfomance sits down next to our music director friend and the talk comes around to what we do in Annapolis. "You can find 175 people who can sing there?" "What do you do with all those fisherman"" Ah hah, musical snobbery turned onto my chorus! Fisherman. .. bah. What does she think he's doing? Making music on sailboats.

Now it's Sunday Morning. We practice (me after getting in really, really late). We're up and running. Music Director, organist,choir. The point in the service where we are to sing arises - up pops someone who doesn't believe that she needs to practice with the choir in order to sing. Appalling. Guess what? I don't have to either - that's not the point.

Music making. Isn't it about "being there". Not for the wonderfulness of who you are. Lord knows the world doesn't need any one of us as much as we need all of us. I'm not a gift to the music world. The music world is a gift to me. I receive from the world of music far more than I can quantify in numbers of pieces of music I've sung, being perfectly on pitch, or being just capable. I'm all of the above and can sing with any chorus in the country. Yep, I'm that good. What do I choose to do? I choose to invest my time in a group of genuine people who care. I've chosen to invest my time in making excitement happen for me and the people who hear us. I choose to think that while I'm a musical snob about charging me lots of money to hear inferior singing - that music is a higher calling than who sings what or who sings better.

Gloria in Excelsis Deo and Plato

John Rutter and the Gloria are meant for one another. I was talking with a fellow blogger and a fantastic musician. It was his contention that while Rutter may lack the depth and breadth of Brahms, Mozart, Verdi - maybe all you need for a fantastic Gloria is pure joy. I experienced that joy while singing the Rutter this weekend. Once again, not everyone gets that rush. Not everyone gets the opportunity to sing the most amazing stuff!

On the flip side, very mundane and earthy - it was a tough night for a lot of folk. Because of the need to set up for a reception in the area where we line - up, the "butt to chair" ration was about 4:1. Some people were left standing - literally. That's unfortunate and, believe me, with my plantar fasciitis I felt their pain. . .again, literally. Sigh. Oh, that everyone might suffer in silence or at least grab a friend and start a complaining team but just keep it between the two of you. Unfortunately that was not the case.

I am in a position where I "know stuff". I am, unbeknownst to most of the Chorale, the chorus manager. I do stuff behind the scenes for the chorus that they have no idea is being done. However, on concert night I become the chorus point person. Line up, organization, information - that's me. Hopefully I do it with style and grace. Last night reminded me why I've learned a lot of life lessons in the last three years.

I was innocently talking with a tenor friend when a bass approached me. I openly looked at him as he approached and the first words out of his mouth were angry, "So, I'm supposed to stand up all night". I tried to explain, calmly and rationally, how this had all transpired (remember, I'm standing and DID stand the whole time before going on stage). He would not hear the explanation and accept the unfortunateness of the situation. He then proceeded to tell me that he didn't really care if it was a major donor event he'd take his dues and leave the Chorale. One of our Executive Board members was informed of this discussion and asked me to get the attention of the Chorale, which I did. I then stepped aside. Again, most unfortunately, the manner in which information about the lack of chairs was communicated with the chorus was less than desirable. After that, a maelstrom of bad feeling poured forth. Between our Marketing Director and myself, we fielded a dozen or so injuries to soul. Again, terribly bad timing, a Chorale member decided they would personally take to task a remarkably kind woman who works for Maryland Hall - in effect circumventing the Chorale staff to vent their spleen on a Maryland Hall worker. Once again, the Marketing director goes into action to pour oil on that troubled water.

At that time, I determined, in consultation with the MD that I should say something to the chorus. My best friend, who warms up the chorus and assists the Conductor, did a few warmups and then I took the bench - the piano bench - and, praying fervently to God for the right words, attempted to put into perspective how the evening had started. "Be Kind to everyon, for you do not know the struggles of another person". I think that, with the Lords help, I managed to sooth some troubled spirits.

When anyone thinks that what I do with the Chorale gleans special privilege or honor. When anyone thinks that I do it as a form of self-aggrandizement. I have to say - that before I took this job back this time, I thought long and hard about where I was as a person. I've learned an incredible amount of things in the last three years: Admit when you are wrong, Just because you survived it doesn't mean it was ever okay, and a soft answer always turns away wrath. More often than not, it is not the good stuff the staff gets to hear. We are there to solve problems - unfortunately some of the problems we have to solve are the problems that some of our own staff start. . . .

I took this job on because of the chorus and how much I care about them. Some do not believe that. Standing in my shoes last night -- processing everyone else's ills - - -and then being able to lay it aside and sing glorious music-- that takes practice. It's the same way I got to Carnegie Hall! Peace be with you ALL

Mixin' it Up

Last night at rehearsal, our conductor mixed us up part-wise. Instead of sitting in sections of parts (all altos together, all sopranos together, etc.), different parts were spread throughout the chorus. We actually do this a fair amount. A lot of people don't like singing "mixed up", but I love it. For last night's rehearsal, we actually were with at least one person who sang our part, and then another two of a different part.

I find that when we are mixed up, it's easier for me to sing the way I normally sing, instead of trying to always blend with what I hear around me. It's also easier to make sure the pitch is correct. I was standing next to two sopranos that are almost always right on pitch. I'm able to tell if I am on pitch by listening to them. Listening...I think that is the key to singing mixed up. If you listen to the other parts, it's easier for you to stay on pitch, and even make proper entrances.

I guess some folks don't like singing mixed up because it does force you to sing out. It also forces you to know your part, because there are no "section leaders" (people who know the part and tend to sing loud), to rely on. I like that...it makes me work a bit harder and helps me figure out what I really need to work on. We'll see if we stay mixed up for this concert. I hope so, it makes it much easier for me to sing well!

Back to the Chaos

**As I was updating my 2 other blogs today, I realized it's almost been a year since I posted anything over here. Not sure if anyone else still reads this other than me and Phyllis, but that's OK. We enjoy waxing eloquent just for ourselves, I think...:)**

Well, Summer's over and we in the Annapolis Chorale have been back in full speed ahead mode for the past few weeks. After our third year singing the Jewish High Holy Days with Temple Beth Shalom, I think we finally were close to actually being completely comfortable with the music. I really enjoyed singing it this time, and there was only one point where I turned the page and though "Oh *&%$!" I don't think I remember what this sounds like!" As much fun as the HHD are, they are exhausting, and I'm kinda glad they are over on the scheduling front.

In other news, I am now singing alto on some pieces in Chamber Chorus. It's so much fun! The alto line is always more challenging musically, if not vocally. I'm remembering that since the alto part is often filling out the chord, sometimes the line is not melodic. Those are the times that it is harder to keep the pitch up...and I kind of enjoy that challenge. It makes me use my brain.

What I have found extremely funny about singing alto for the Brahms' Requiem is other people's reactions. It is interesting to me that people feel so defined by a particular voice part. "I'm an alto, I can't sing above an E", or more often, "I'm a better singer because I'm a soprano and can sing higher than altos". The real truth is that most people have similar ranges, and their voice part is somewhat determined by the color of their voice. I guess I have an androgenous color to my voice...:) After I moved over to the alto section, a couple of sopranos asked me "What happened?!" as if I had lost the ability to sing high notes or been "demoted". I said, "After my audition, Ernie decided that I should sing alto on some pieces". They continued to look at me confused...and said, "But you sing so well. You should be a soprano." I didn't know what to say to that, other than "Thanks for the compliment. I'm enjoying singing alto. It's a fun challenge. And altos sing well, too." People who create stereotypes for singing parts are really missing the boat, in my opinion. I'm loving switching back and forth...to me it's the best of both worlds. Lovely melodic lines and challenging fun harmony.

Next up for us, the Brahms' Requiem concert. Y'all come!

It's a long summer. . .

However, we are not "off". Coming up on our second concert at Gibson Island Country School. I'm so glad. I really miss performing and rehearsing. I really do love the process. Don't care if I never perform again as long as I can rehearse. It's all Pops - Broadway!

We had auditions and, I must say, I nailed that baby. I really wanted to do well for many reasons. I wanted to do well because - I take this seriously. It really does matter if I do my best. It matters to me. I cannot be lackadaisical about my music. It's against my nature. Secondly, I wanted to show how I've developed as a singer. I did that. I showed that of which I was capable. I sang theVivald "Qui Sedes ad Dexteram Patris". It was the most complimentary I've ever heard our conductor respond. I've auditioned for him for over 20 years - so I was rather flattered and complimented that he thought it was so well done. I also wanted to do well simply because it's unacceptable to do less than your best.

If you say you're invested in a truly quality organization and don't "bring it" every chance that you have to show your stuff - you obviously care by lip service only. I'm just not self-content enough to sit back and mark through something. I need to put my best forward at all times. I refuse to be less than what I can bring simply because others don't push me. I push myself. If we all pushed ourselves - how much more amazing could we be?

The new season will start soon. . . and with it the complaints, the backbiting, the cattiness, etc. This year, as God is my witness, I will not criticize another singer. It just isn't my job. I want to be a full time team player. The team is the group - I will play well with all of them. Its about the gestalt/synergy - not about me.