. . . the organ at St. Anne's Episcopal church in Annapolis, Maryland sounds forth loud and clear "O Come all Ye Faithful". . . on Christmas morning around 12 a.m. THEN, and only then, is it Christmas.
I am doubly blessed - possibly triply blessed - probably infinitely blessed. I have the privilige of being allowed to sing with several outstanding groups of people. Each group differs in many ways - none of them is less than the others.
First, as most of this blog is devoted, is Live Arts Maryland - the Annapolis Chorale. Several versions of that group: The Annapolis Chorale, The Chamber Chorus of the Annapolis Chorale, and one little pick up group - referred to either as "The Bag Ladies" or, as my favorite trumpet player suggested - "The Chamber Maids". I kind of like that last one :)
These groups are an amazing synergy of people who are devoted to music, orchestra players equally devoted, and led by a supremely devoted Maestro (no one really has a clue how devoted - but when you think he goes regularly from the Kennedy Center gig to us and still smiles about it - you know he wouldn't waste his time on something he didn't love). Each person brings the offering they have. It's the contrast between the widows mite and the Pharisees. . .she gave all she had. Some of us have more to bring than others - and the value of what we bring is valuable indeed. My Christmas season usually begins some time in November when I start rehearsing Messiah and various other Christmas items. . .and it's good - it's really good. I always try to step back and understand what is happening around me. Especially when we sing our last strains of Messiah into our carols. I look around me and I marvel that I get the privilege of participating. They do not need me - but I really need them.
The other group with which I sing is the St. Anne's choir. Weekly - through spring, summer, winter and fall - they show up. They sing music that typical church choirs that I have heard might not be able to tackle. They vary in age from people in their mid 30's to as old as in late 70's. Again - think about the widows mite - they each bring what they have and offer it to the Lord on a regular basis. None of them are perfect. Each of them show up faithfully to perform their service to the Lord. Not all of us can be acolytes or ushers or deacons - but the contribution we make to worship is valuable beyond count. People often show up at our church simply because of the music.
At Christmas they go beyond the call because they know they contribute to the worship experience of the congregation. They do a fantastic job. They are there because Jesus was born and it's their privilege to proclaim it in song. Never forget that the reason we all sing is because of the birth of our Lord. There is nothing more beautiful than seeing a woman in her 70's glow with Christmas joy because our director thinks enough of people to not put them out to pasture to create the "perfect" product. I think it is perfect - a perfect blend of people who are somewhat more well heeled, professionals, and those whom we love simply because we love them. They sing because they must sing to welcome the birth of our Lord.
And Christmas is with those people, in a crowded choir loft, singing hymns, worshipping, and forgetting my own ego and the troubles of the world and rejoicing in the simple gift of music, friendship, and salvation.
And THAT is Christmas. . .
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Messiah Bullet Points
I like singing Handel's Messiah every year. Since it is a yearly event, I am able to mark the passing of time, the turning of years, and changes in my life and perspective. This will be my 6th year singing Messiah with the Chorale. So that I don't forget each year...here is a list of my Messiah experiences over the last 6 years:
- 2004 - "OMG Messiah" - OMG for many reasons...the first being that I had to learn the soprano part after having primarily sung the piece as an alto. Also, OMG because I had no idea a performance could be so moving...with a fabulous orchestra, good chorus, and in such a special space (St. Anne's Church). Oh, and OMG, my parents are here and I just moved away from everything that is comfortable in SC to everything that is uncomfortable in Annapolis!
- 2005 - "Adjusted Messiah" - I was beginning to make friends in the Chorale and get to know people. Little did I know that we were about to embark on the Florida version of the "Leap of Faith" Carmina Burana tour. This was also the year that I realized how comfortably Messiah lies in my color/tone vocally. It was comforting to sing something I already knew pretty well.
- 2006 - "Snarky Messiah" - I was in a horrible spot on the crowded altar this year. Horrible because I could barely move, and because I had a few..shall we say...under-pitch folks around me. It was literally almost impossible to sing. A few other friends were in rough spots too...and I think all we did was complain about it all weekend. That made it a tough experience...and I've vowed to just suck it up and put myself where I want to go ever since. Usually, if we are singing in a mixed configuration, I head for the tall back row in between two basses. Hey, it works for me...
- 2007 - "Messiah with the Toy Orchestra and 50 Soloists Across the Bay" - This year, my parents were visiting again...which meant the snow/ice arrived. You think they wouldn't bring that stuff up from SC, but somehow we always get it when they are here! On Saturday night, we had a performance on the Eastern Shore. It was rain/icy for most of the day, but we were still able to get across the bridge for the performance. The hall had ridiculously dry acoustics, though...so it sounded to us like we were all singing solos and the orchestra was playing toy instruments. Weird. The audience seemed to like it, though.
- 2008 - "Exhausted Messiah" - By the time we got to Messiah weekend last year, I was ready to crawl in a hole and hibernate for a month. There had been so many run-outs and concerts that I was physically spent. Add the welcome stress of a new romantic relationship...and I just wanted the weekend to be over! It passed by in a haze, but I do remember enjoying the music. Top row again meant I was in a happy singing spot.
- 2009 - "?" - So, what will the 2009 version of Messiah bring? Let's hope it's not "Blizzard Messiah" or "Messiah where Page finally loses it and hits someone", or "Messiah when Page and Lauren pass out since they ran 22 miles Saturday morning". I'm in a very nice singing spot this year...while not on the back row, it works. Considering the above possibilties, I'd be satisfied for this year to be "Uneventful Messiah". Even better would be "Musically Fulfilling Messiah". But hey, let's not push it!
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Modern Jingling All the Way
I wonder if anyone noticed that our Celebration of Christmas Concert was noticeably different than it has been for the last umpteen years. I haven't even spoken to my conductor about this but it definitely had a different flavor. It was more up, happy, joyous - still with the touches of calm and reflection that are necessary but - overall - I really liked it.
I'm the chorus manager. The resume of a chorus manager goes something like this - listen, evaluate, wait, deliver calmly. I have watched this chorus over a few year -26 - in its various stages. I love these people with all of their failings. Typical night in the life of a chorus manager: meet early with upset chorus member whose feelings were hurt by crotchety old man, listen to the tears, offer reconciliation and try to adjust the seating; answer 10 questions about where the red scarves are; walk the stage to make sure there are no outstanding obstacles in the way; preset music for Jingle Bell work; glasses on/cell phone off; preview again the sits and stands; check with stage manger on times; tell warmer upper when to warm up; interface with stage manager about are we holding or not; line up chorus; issue last minute announcements in even way without putting anyone down - just the facts like, "Don't take off your scarves before you leave the stage." No need to comment on the professional or unprofessional aspects of it. . . rehearse; during the day field 12 phone calls from conductor; read 14 emails from happy/sad people; music off the stage for conductor - oh, and glasses.. .. mostly it's about people.
I spend most of my time interacting with uncomfortable people. People always have complaints. Each person has a reason for complaints. I need to work on being more even with people who should really know better - who should already understand we cannot cause people to be disconcerted before they sing. The last two days alone I've been personally insulted by grumpy old men, cried on, snipped at and otherwise been underappreciated - here's the catch - SO WHAT. I knew that when I took the job back and I'm in a place in my life where it's absolutely okay. I let people own their own problems. People are grumpy, upset, insecure because their lives, at some point, have been upset. I cannot fix that. I fix the moment - the immediate problem. I anticipate and request to be sent out emails about chairs. Next year to add to the list - remember your scarves. I've found a way to stay calm and focused on the music and not get bogged down in the triviality. The most important thing is to put a calm, happy, focused chorus on the stage. Now, go ahead and try to make 170 people happy :) See the problem. So, we shoot for a majority. . . and pray the others are smart enough and intelligent enough to realize it.
I am not an autonomous individual on concert night. There isn't a decision I make that isn't weighed in the light of the staff's philosophy. I have to think like they do. I think people think I have a Napoleon complex - the fact is - I've been given my marching orders and they are easy enough to process. I work hand in glove with the staff to create the evening. Compliment are coming in for our professionalism in dealing with the staff of venues where we perform.
The only fly in my ointment is that people make assumptions for me. . they assume I'm too busy to find. Other people might be sought out - but I am not. I mix with as many people as possible on concert nights to appear egalitarian and supportive of as many people as possible. This apparently means that I'm inaccessible to some. I hope that doesn't stay that way because it's translating into my outside the Chorale life. Sometimes it would be nice to just be asked and for people to understand that I'm just busy and need others to come to me on occasion - especially concert nights. But, again, as I've learned - I cannot make other people do anything. There is no way on earth because people usually do exactly what they want to do - and as much as they protest they really are doing what they intend to do.
That aside - I absolutely had a ball at the concert. The second night was more fun and much more of a spiritual experience for me than the first. I always thank God that I get this opportunity every year. Now,on to next concert and, oh yeah - I'm working props for Oklahoma.
I'm the chorus manager. The resume of a chorus manager goes something like this - listen, evaluate, wait, deliver calmly. I have watched this chorus over a few year -26 - in its various stages. I love these people with all of their failings. Typical night in the life of a chorus manager: meet early with upset chorus member whose feelings were hurt by crotchety old man, listen to the tears, offer reconciliation and try to adjust the seating; answer 10 questions about where the red scarves are; walk the stage to make sure there are no outstanding obstacles in the way; preset music for Jingle Bell work; glasses on/cell phone off; preview again the sits and stands; check with stage manger on times; tell warmer upper when to warm up; interface with stage manager about are we holding or not; line up chorus; issue last minute announcements in even way without putting anyone down - just the facts like, "Don't take off your scarves before you leave the stage." No need to comment on the professional or unprofessional aspects of it. . . rehearse; during the day field 12 phone calls from conductor; read 14 emails from happy/sad people; music off the stage for conductor - oh, and glasses.. .. mostly it's about people.
I spend most of my time interacting with uncomfortable people. People always have complaints. Each person has a reason for complaints. I need to work on being more even with people who should really know better - who should already understand we cannot cause people to be disconcerted before they sing. The last two days alone I've been personally insulted by grumpy old men, cried on, snipped at and otherwise been underappreciated - here's the catch - SO WHAT. I knew that when I took the job back and I'm in a place in my life where it's absolutely okay. I let people own their own problems. People are grumpy, upset, insecure because their lives, at some point, have been upset. I cannot fix that. I fix the moment - the immediate problem. I anticipate and request to be sent out emails about chairs. Next year to add to the list - remember your scarves. I've found a way to stay calm and focused on the music and not get bogged down in the triviality. The most important thing is to put a calm, happy, focused chorus on the stage. Now, go ahead and try to make 170 people happy :) See the problem. So, we shoot for a majority. . . and pray the others are smart enough and intelligent enough to realize it.
I am not an autonomous individual on concert night. There isn't a decision I make that isn't weighed in the light of the staff's philosophy. I have to think like they do. I think people think I have a Napoleon complex - the fact is - I've been given my marching orders and they are easy enough to process. I work hand in glove with the staff to create the evening. Compliment are coming in for our professionalism in dealing with the staff of venues where we perform.
The only fly in my ointment is that people make assumptions for me. . they assume I'm too busy to find. Other people might be sought out - but I am not. I mix with as many people as possible on concert nights to appear egalitarian and supportive of as many people as possible. This apparently means that I'm inaccessible to some. I hope that doesn't stay that way because it's translating into my outside the Chorale life. Sometimes it would be nice to just be asked and for people to understand that I'm just busy and need others to come to me on occasion - especially concert nights. But, again, as I've learned - I cannot make other people do anything. There is no way on earth because people usually do exactly what they want to do - and as much as they protest they really are doing what they intend to do.
That aside - I absolutely had a ball at the concert. The second night was more fun and much more of a spiritual experience for me than the first. I always thank God that I get this opportunity every year. Now,on to next concert and, oh yeah - I'm working props for Oklahoma.
Saturday, December 05, 2009
Full Contact Caroling
Not exactly full contact - but definitely marthon like.
Last night was not a "hit it out of the park" kind of night for any group with whom I sang. First caroling gig - Parole Town Center - it had it's challenges. In my vow to not be critical of any one person. . I will only say that it was a group effort at mediocrity. I'm a member of that group.
Next gig - WBAL Children's Fund concert - better. Only thing that really annoyed me there, and that annoys me at any time - is to lose my "lostness" in the music by someone pointing up with a wise expression at everyone - indicating "you are going flat". As if the group I was with actually had to be told that - those people with whom I was singing - are just fine musicians - and know better. Not to mention the group leader was involved in the singing and didn't even budge to knowingly look at us and point up like. . . okay you guys - it's really important not to go flat - really? I didn't know that.
Back to my same argument which has been repeated over and over and over again in this blog: Get your head out of the music and put your heart into it. Suspend judgment of yourself and others and just do your best - you cannot control other people. Isn't that amazing - you cannot control other people. No matter how well you want them to sing you have absolutely no control over that. So, what does that leave you - well, that leaves you YOU. YOU are the only one you can be responsible for in the long run.
Many people annoy you. Fact. Singing next to everyone isn't the best experience. Fact. Here's another fact - why should I feel so privileged that I expect to always have situations around me perfect? Ain't gonna happen. Perfection has only been achieved by one Being of which I am aware. If someone knows someone else - let me know.
I think you have to examine your motivations. Are you singing to sing with a perfect group? Find another group. Are you singing to sing with a group who is accurate all the time? Find another group. Are you singing to make perfect music? Find another group. I really hurt for people who were raised by the critical and then internalized that critical nature in themselves. Worse, they are also critical of themselves. What is the result - they back off. They never jump over the edge - they always carefully check to see if it's safe, if it's okay, if they can get it back if they make mistakes. Jump people!
I once had someone say that when you sing, you think with your heart and feel with your brain. . . many of us need to get that process in place. Love what you do. . . put everything into it. . invest your heart, soul, and mind into it and realize that there is absolutely NOTHING that you can do about mistakes or flatness around you.
It just frustrates me and, guess what? It frustrates me more than someone singing flat. I really want everyone to have a WONDERFUL time just singing. Do I want you to bring your A game? Darn straight I do. Do I want you to care about it as much as I do? Yep. Do I have any control over that - NOPE. So, what does that leave me - the music and me. And that's what it comes down to - the music and me.
Last night was not a "hit it out of the park" kind of night for any group with whom I sang. First caroling gig - Parole Town Center - it had it's challenges. In my vow to not be critical of any one person. . I will only say that it was a group effort at mediocrity. I'm a member of that group.
Next gig - WBAL Children's Fund concert - better. Only thing that really annoyed me there, and that annoys me at any time - is to lose my "lostness" in the music by someone pointing up with a wise expression at everyone - indicating "you are going flat". As if the group I was with actually had to be told that - those people with whom I was singing - are just fine musicians - and know better. Not to mention the group leader was involved in the singing and didn't even budge to knowingly look at us and point up like. . . okay you guys - it's really important not to go flat - really? I didn't know that.
Back to my same argument which has been repeated over and over and over again in this blog: Get your head out of the music and put your heart into it. Suspend judgment of yourself and others and just do your best - you cannot control other people. Isn't that amazing - you cannot control other people. No matter how well you want them to sing you have absolutely no control over that. So, what does that leave you - well, that leaves you YOU. YOU are the only one you can be responsible for in the long run.
Many people annoy you. Fact. Singing next to everyone isn't the best experience. Fact. Here's another fact - why should I feel so privileged that I expect to always have situations around me perfect? Ain't gonna happen. Perfection has only been achieved by one Being of which I am aware. If someone knows someone else - let me know.
I think you have to examine your motivations. Are you singing to sing with a perfect group? Find another group. Are you singing to sing with a group who is accurate all the time? Find another group. Are you singing to make perfect music? Find another group. I really hurt for people who were raised by the critical and then internalized that critical nature in themselves. Worse, they are also critical of themselves. What is the result - they back off. They never jump over the edge - they always carefully check to see if it's safe, if it's okay, if they can get it back if they make mistakes. Jump people!
I once had someone say that when you sing, you think with your heart and feel with your brain. . . many of us need to get that process in place. Love what you do. . . put everything into it. . invest your heart, soul, and mind into it and realize that there is absolutely NOTHING that you can do about mistakes or flatness around you.
It just frustrates me and, guess what? It frustrates me more than someone singing flat. I really want everyone to have a WONDERFUL time just singing. Do I want you to bring your A game? Darn straight I do. Do I want you to care about it as much as I do? Yep. Do I have any control over that - NOPE. So, what does that leave me - the music and me. And that's what it comes down to - the music and me.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Indulging in Musical Snobbery. . .
I am disquieted in spirit.
Thinking back on the weekend I can point to several basic points in which this disquiet could have entered and, most probably, did.
I do not generally speak ill of a fellow performer at this point in my life. I have in the past but I decided conciously to put that behind me. About the only person who I will say what I really think to about anyone in particular is my BF. She gets that it isn't meant to hurt anyone and its just my personal feelings. Other people, no matter who they are might be offended by this expression and its best to keep your unsolicited opinions to yourself on most occasions.
This weekend I had a very special opportunity. My music director is also a cover conductor for the NSO in Washington DC. He regularly works with Marvin Hamilisch. So, my Bf and I went to hear Shirley Jones and Patrick Cassidy in a partially staged version of "The Music Man". I really wanted to be impressed. . . I really wasn't. Now, the same afore alluded to Music Director is also the director of a 175 voice Chorale in which I sing. We also do staged versions of musicals and, I must say, we do it MUCH better. Mr. Hamlisch, while a nice man - had a brief exchange with him backstage, and Mr. Cassidy - also equally as kind - are not what I expected them to be. Marvin Hamlisch should take lessons from my friend the music director - not on how to play the piano - but on how to be exciting! And Mr. Cassidy - should just take lessons. His mother, Shirley Jones, does pretty well in the older roles but should definitely not do solo repertoire anymore. So, I guess I'm hypercritical of things I pay good money to see.
Fast foward the evening to the end. Backstage - meet Marvin Hamlisch, meet Patrick Cassidy - good. Off for a drink with music director friend. We're enjoying perfectly pleasant conversation when a member of the City Chorus who provided the chorus for the perfomance sits down next to our music director friend and the talk comes around to what we do in Annapolis. "You can find 175 people who can sing there?" "What do you do with all those fisherman"" Ah hah, musical snobbery turned onto my chorus! Fisherman. .. bah. What does she think he's doing? Making music on sailboats.
Now it's Sunday Morning. We practice (me after getting in really, really late). We're up and running. Music Director, organist,choir. The point in the service where we are to sing arises - up pops someone who doesn't believe that she needs to practice with the choir in order to sing. Appalling. Guess what? I don't have to either - that's not the point.
Music making. Isn't it about "being there". Not for the wonderfulness of who you are. Lord knows the world doesn't need any one of us as much as we need all of us. I'm not a gift to the music world. The music world is a gift to me. I receive from the world of music far more than I can quantify in numbers of pieces of music I've sung, being perfectly on pitch, or being just capable. I'm all of the above and can sing with any chorus in the country. Yep, I'm that good. What do I choose to do? I choose to invest my time in a group of genuine people who care. I've chosen to invest my time in making excitement happen for me and the people who hear us. I choose to think that while I'm a musical snob about charging me lots of money to hear inferior singing - that music is a higher calling than who sings what or who sings better.
Thinking back on the weekend I can point to several basic points in which this disquiet could have entered and, most probably, did.
I do not generally speak ill of a fellow performer at this point in my life. I have in the past but I decided conciously to put that behind me. About the only person who I will say what I really think to about anyone in particular is my BF. She gets that it isn't meant to hurt anyone and its just my personal feelings. Other people, no matter who they are might be offended by this expression and its best to keep your unsolicited opinions to yourself on most occasions.
This weekend I had a very special opportunity. My music director is also a cover conductor for the NSO in Washington DC. He regularly works with Marvin Hamilisch. So, my Bf and I went to hear Shirley Jones and Patrick Cassidy in a partially staged version of "The Music Man". I really wanted to be impressed. . . I really wasn't. Now, the same afore alluded to Music Director is also the director of a 175 voice Chorale in which I sing. We also do staged versions of musicals and, I must say, we do it MUCH better. Mr. Hamlisch, while a nice man - had a brief exchange with him backstage, and Mr. Cassidy - also equally as kind - are not what I expected them to be. Marvin Hamlisch should take lessons from my friend the music director - not on how to play the piano - but on how to be exciting! And Mr. Cassidy - should just take lessons. His mother, Shirley Jones, does pretty well in the older roles but should definitely not do solo repertoire anymore. So, I guess I'm hypercritical of things I pay good money to see.
Fast foward the evening to the end. Backstage - meet Marvin Hamlisch, meet Patrick Cassidy - good. Off for a drink with music director friend. We're enjoying perfectly pleasant conversation when a member of the City Chorus who provided the chorus for the perfomance sits down next to our music director friend and the talk comes around to what we do in Annapolis. "You can find 175 people who can sing there?" "What do you do with all those fisherman"" Ah hah, musical snobbery turned onto my chorus! Fisherman. .. bah. What does she think he's doing? Making music on sailboats.
Now it's Sunday Morning. We practice (me after getting in really, really late). We're up and running. Music Director, organist,choir. The point in the service where we are to sing arises - up pops someone who doesn't believe that she needs to practice with the choir in order to sing. Appalling. Guess what? I don't have to either - that's not the point.
Music making. Isn't it about "being there". Not for the wonderfulness of who you are. Lord knows the world doesn't need any one of us as much as we need all of us. I'm not a gift to the music world. The music world is a gift to me. I receive from the world of music far more than I can quantify in numbers of pieces of music I've sung, being perfectly on pitch, or being just capable. I'm all of the above and can sing with any chorus in the country. Yep, I'm that good. What do I choose to do? I choose to invest my time in a group of genuine people who care. I've chosen to invest my time in making excitement happen for me and the people who hear us. I choose to think that while I'm a musical snob about charging me lots of money to hear inferior singing - that music is a higher calling than who sings what or who sings better.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Gloria in Excelsis Deo and Plato
John Rutter and the Gloria are meant for one another. I was talking with a fellow blogger and a fantastic musician. It was his contention that while Rutter may lack the depth and breadth of Brahms, Mozart, Verdi - maybe all you need for a fantastic Gloria is pure joy. I experienced that joy while singing the Rutter this weekend. Once again, not everyone gets that rush. Not everyone gets the opportunity to sing the most amazing stuff!
On the flip side, very mundane and earthy - it was a tough night for a lot of folk. Because of the need to set up for a reception in the area where we line - up, the "butt to chair" ration was about 4:1. Some people were left standing - literally. That's unfortunate and, believe me, with my plantar fasciitis I felt their pain. . .again, literally. Sigh. Oh, that everyone might suffer in silence or at least grab a friend and start a complaining team but just keep it between the two of you. Unfortunately that was not the case.
I am in a position where I "know stuff". I am, unbeknownst to most of the Chorale, the chorus manager. I do stuff behind the scenes for the chorus that they have no idea is being done. However, on concert night I become the chorus point person. Line up, organization, information - that's me. Hopefully I do it with style and grace. Last night reminded me why I've learned a lot of life lessons in the last three years.
I was innocently talking with a tenor friend when a bass approached me. I openly looked at him as he approached and the first words out of his mouth were angry, "So, I'm supposed to stand up all night". I tried to explain, calmly and rationally, how this had all transpired (remember, I'm standing and DID stand the whole time before going on stage). He would not hear the explanation and accept the unfortunateness of the situation. He then proceeded to tell me that he didn't really care if it was a major donor event he'd take his dues and leave the Chorale. One of our Executive Board members was informed of this discussion and asked me to get the attention of the Chorale, which I did. I then stepped aside. Again, most unfortunately, the manner in which information about the lack of chairs was communicated with the chorus was less than desirable. After that, a maelstrom of bad feeling poured forth. Between our Marketing Director and myself, we fielded a dozen or so injuries to soul. Again, terribly bad timing, a Chorale member decided they would personally take to task a remarkably kind woman who works for Maryland Hall - in effect circumventing the Chorale staff to vent their spleen on a Maryland Hall worker. Once again, the Marketing director goes into action to pour oil on that troubled water.
At that time, I determined, in consultation with the MD that I should say something to the chorus. My best friend, who warms up the chorus and assists the Conductor, did a few warmups and then I took the bench - the piano bench - and, praying fervently to God for the right words, attempted to put into perspective how the evening had started. "Be Kind to everyon, for you do not know the struggles of another person". I think that, with the Lords help, I managed to sooth some troubled spirits.
When anyone thinks that what I do with the Chorale gleans special privilege or honor. When anyone thinks that I do it as a form of self-aggrandizement. I have to say - that before I took this job back this time, I thought long and hard about where I was as a person. I've learned an incredible amount of things in the last three years: Admit when you are wrong, Just because you survived it doesn't mean it was ever okay, and a soft answer always turns away wrath. More often than not, it is not the good stuff the staff gets to hear. We are there to solve problems - unfortunately some of the problems we have to solve are the problems that some of our own staff start. . . .
I took this job on because of the chorus and how much I care about them. Some do not believe that. Standing in my shoes last night -- processing everyone else's ills - - -and then being able to lay it aside and sing glorious music-- that takes practice. It's the same way I got to Carnegie Hall! Peace be with you ALL
On the flip side, very mundane and earthy - it was a tough night for a lot of folk. Because of the need to set up for a reception in the area where we line - up, the "butt to chair" ration was about 4:1. Some people were left standing - literally. That's unfortunate and, believe me, with my plantar fasciitis I felt their pain. . .again, literally. Sigh. Oh, that everyone might suffer in silence or at least grab a friend and start a complaining team but just keep it between the two of you. Unfortunately that was not the case.
I am in a position where I "know stuff". I am, unbeknownst to most of the Chorale, the chorus manager. I do stuff behind the scenes for the chorus that they have no idea is being done. However, on concert night I become the chorus point person. Line up, organization, information - that's me. Hopefully I do it with style and grace. Last night reminded me why I've learned a lot of life lessons in the last three years.
I was innocently talking with a tenor friend when a bass approached me. I openly looked at him as he approached and the first words out of his mouth were angry, "So, I'm supposed to stand up all night". I tried to explain, calmly and rationally, how this had all transpired (remember, I'm standing and DID stand the whole time before going on stage). He would not hear the explanation and accept the unfortunateness of the situation. He then proceeded to tell me that he didn't really care if it was a major donor event he'd take his dues and leave the Chorale. One of our Executive Board members was informed of this discussion and asked me to get the attention of the Chorale, which I did. I then stepped aside. Again, most unfortunately, the manner in which information about the lack of chairs was communicated with the chorus was less than desirable. After that, a maelstrom of bad feeling poured forth. Between our Marketing Director and myself, we fielded a dozen or so injuries to soul. Again, terribly bad timing, a Chorale member decided they would personally take to task a remarkably kind woman who works for Maryland Hall - in effect circumventing the Chorale staff to vent their spleen on a Maryland Hall worker. Once again, the Marketing director goes into action to pour oil on that troubled water.
At that time, I determined, in consultation with the MD that I should say something to the chorus. My best friend, who warms up the chorus and assists the Conductor, did a few warmups and then I took the bench - the piano bench - and, praying fervently to God for the right words, attempted to put into perspective how the evening had started. "Be Kind to everyon, for you do not know the struggles of another person". I think that, with the Lords help, I managed to sooth some troubled spirits.
When anyone thinks that what I do with the Chorale gleans special privilege or honor. When anyone thinks that I do it as a form of self-aggrandizement. I have to say - that before I took this job back this time, I thought long and hard about where I was as a person. I've learned an incredible amount of things in the last three years: Admit when you are wrong, Just because you survived it doesn't mean it was ever okay, and a soft answer always turns away wrath. More often than not, it is not the good stuff the staff gets to hear. We are there to solve problems - unfortunately some of the problems we have to solve are the problems that some of our own staff start. . . .
I took this job on because of the chorus and how much I care about them. Some do not believe that. Standing in my shoes last night -- processing everyone else's ills - - -and then being able to lay it aside and sing glorious music-- that takes practice. It's the same way I got to Carnegie Hall! Peace be with you ALL
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Mixin' it Up
Last night at rehearsal, our conductor mixed us up part-wise. Instead of sitting in sections of parts (all altos together, all sopranos together, etc.), different parts were spread throughout the chorus. We actually do this a fair amount. A lot of people don't like singing "mixed up", but I love it. For last night's rehearsal, we actually were with at least one person who sang our part, and then another two of a different part.
I find that when we are mixed up, it's easier for me to sing the way I normally sing, instead of trying to always blend with what I hear around me. It's also easier to make sure the pitch is correct. I was standing next to two sopranos that are almost always right on pitch. I'm able to tell if I am on pitch by listening to them. Listening...I think that is the key to singing mixed up. If you listen to the other parts, it's easier for you to stay on pitch, and even make proper entrances.
I guess some folks don't like singing mixed up because it does force you to sing out. It also forces you to know your part, because there are no "section leaders" (people who know the part and tend to sing loud), to rely on. I like that...it makes me work a bit harder and helps me figure out what I really need to work on. We'll see if we stay mixed up for this concert. I hope so, it makes it much easier for me to sing well!
I find that when we are mixed up, it's easier for me to sing the way I normally sing, instead of trying to always blend with what I hear around me. It's also easier to make sure the pitch is correct. I was standing next to two sopranos that are almost always right on pitch. I'm able to tell if I am on pitch by listening to them. Listening...I think that is the key to singing mixed up. If you listen to the other parts, it's easier for you to stay on pitch, and even make proper entrances.
I guess some folks don't like singing mixed up because it does force you to sing out. It also forces you to know your part, because there are no "section leaders" (people who know the part and tend to sing loud), to rely on. I like that...it makes me work a bit harder and helps me figure out what I really need to work on. We'll see if we stay mixed up for this concert. I hope so, it makes it much easier for me to sing well!
Thursday, October 01, 2009
Back to the Chaos
**As I was updating my 2 other blogs today, I realized it's almost been a year since I posted anything over here. Not sure if anyone else still reads this other than me and Phyllis, but that's OK. We enjoy waxing eloquent just for ourselves, I think...:)**
Well, Summer's over and we in the Annapolis Chorale have been back in full speed ahead mode for the past few weeks. After our third year singing the Jewish High Holy Days with Temple Beth Shalom, I think we finally were close to actually being completely comfortable with the music. I really enjoyed singing it this time, and there was only one point where I turned the page and though "Oh *&%$!" I don't think I remember what this sounds like!" As much fun as the HHD are, they are exhausting, and I'm kinda glad they are over on the scheduling front.
In other news, I am now singing alto on some pieces in Chamber Chorus. It's so much fun! The alto line is always more challenging musically, if not vocally. I'm remembering that since the alto part is often filling out the chord, sometimes the line is not melodic. Those are the times that it is harder to keep the pitch up...and I kind of enjoy that challenge. It makes me use my brain.
What I have found extremely funny about singing alto for the Brahms' Requiem is other people's reactions. It is interesting to me that people feel so defined by a particular voice part. "I'm an alto, I can't sing above an E", or more often, "I'm a better singer because I'm a soprano and can sing higher than altos". The real truth is that most people have similar ranges, and their voice part is somewhat determined by the color of their voice. I guess I have an androgenous color to my voice...:) After I moved over to the alto section, a couple of sopranos asked me "What happened?!" as if I had lost the ability to sing high notes or been "demoted". I said, "After my audition, Ernie decided that I should sing alto on some pieces". They continued to look at me confused...and said, "But you sing so well. You should be a soprano." I didn't know what to say to that, other than "Thanks for the compliment. I'm enjoying singing alto. It's a fun challenge. And altos sing well, too." People who create stereotypes for singing parts are really missing the boat, in my opinion. I'm loving switching back and forth...to me it's the best of both worlds. Lovely melodic lines and challenging fun harmony.
Next up for us, the Brahms' Requiem concert. Y'all come!
Well, Summer's over and we in the Annapolis Chorale have been back in full speed ahead mode for the past few weeks. After our third year singing the Jewish High Holy Days with Temple Beth Shalom, I think we finally were close to actually being completely comfortable with the music. I really enjoyed singing it this time, and there was only one point where I turned the page and though "Oh *&%$!" I don't think I remember what this sounds like!" As much fun as the HHD are, they are exhausting, and I'm kinda glad they are over on the scheduling front.
In other news, I am now singing alto on some pieces in Chamber Chorus. It's so much fun! The alto line is always more challenging musically, if not vocally. I'm remembering that since the alto part is often filling out the chord, sometimes the line is not melodic. Those are the times that it is harder to keep the pitch up...and I kind of enjoy that challenge. It makes me use my brain.
What I have found extremely funny about singing alto for the Brahms' Requiem is other people's reactions. It is interesting to me that people feel so defined by a particular voice part. "I'm an alto, I can't sing above an E", or more often, "I'm a better singer because I'm a soprano and can sing higher than altos". The real truth is that most people have similar ranges, and their voice part is somewhat determined by the color of their voice. I guess I have an androgenous color to my voice...:) After I moved over to the alto section, a couple of sopranos asked me "What happened?!" as if I had lost the ability to sing high notes or been "demoted". I said, "After my audition, Ernie decided that I should sing alto on some pieces". They continued to look at me confused...and said, "But you sing so well. You should be a soprano." I didn't know what to say to that, other than "Thanks for the compliment. I'm enjoying singing alto. It's a fun challenge. And altos sing well, too." People who create stereotypes for singing parts are really missing the boat, in my opinion. I'm loving switching back and forth...to me it's the best of both worlds. Lovely melodic lines and challenging fun harmony.
Next up for us, the Brahms' Requiem concert. Y'all come!
Thursday, July 09, 2009
It's a long summer. . .
However, we are not "off". Coming up on our second concert at Gibson Island Country School. I'm so glad. I really miss performing and rehearsing. I really do love the process. Don't care if I never perform again as long as I can rehearse. It's all Pops - Broadway!
We had auditions and, I must say, I nailed that baby. I really wanted to do well for many reasons. I wanted to do well because - I take this seriously. It really does matter if I do my best. It matters to me. I cannot be lackadaisical about my music. It's against my nature. Secondly, I wanted to show how I've developed as a singer. I did that. I showed that of which I was capable. I sang theVivald "Qui Sedes ad Dexteram Patris". It was the most complimentary I've ever heard our conductor respond. I've auditioned for him for over 20 years - so I was rather flattered and complimented that he thought it was so well done. I also wanted to do well simply because it's unacceptable to do less than your best.
If you say you're invested in a truly quality organization and don't "bring it" every chance that you have to show your stuff - you obviously care by lip service only. I'm just not self-content enough to sit back and mark through something. I need to put my best forward at all times. I refuse to be less than what I can bring simply because others don't push me. I push myself. If we all pushed ourselves - how much more amazing could we be?
The new season will start soon. . . and with it the complaints, the backbiting, the cattiness, etc. This year, as God is my witness, I will not criticize another singer. It just isn't my job. I want to be a full time team player. The team is the group - I will play well with all of them. Its about the gestalt/synergy - not about me.
We had auditions and, I must say, I nailed that baby. I really wanted to do well for many reasons. I wanted to do well because - I take this seriously. It really does matter if I do my best. It matters to me. I cannot be lackadaisical about my music. It's against my nature. Secondly, I wanted to show how I've developed as a singer. I did that. I showed that of which I was capable. I sang theVivald "Qui Sedes ad Dexteram Patris". It was the most complimentary I've ever heard our conductor respond. I've auditioned for him for over 20 years - so I was rather flattered and complimented that he thought it was so well done. I also wanted to do well simply because it's unacceptable to do less than your best.
If you say you're invested in a truly quality organization and don't "bring it" every chance that you have to show your stuff - you obviously care by lip service only. I'm just not self-content enough to sit back and mark through something. I need to put my best forward at all times. I refuse to be less than what I can bring simply because others don't push me. I push myself. If we all pushed ourselves - how much more amazing could we be?
The new season will start soon. . . and with it the complaints, the backbiting, the cattiness, etc. This year, as God is my witness, I will not criticize another singer. It just isn't my job. I want to be a full time team player. The team is the group - I will play well with all of them. Its about the gestalt/synergy - not about me.
Saturday, April 04, 2009
Compliments from the "Chef"
I was floored tonight and rather flattered by an unexpected compliment.
First, let me explain my personal philosophy of preparation for a concert. When I know I'm doing a piece of music I first make sure that I'm familiar with the layout of the piece. This includes noting where the chorus enters, where my part (as much as I am able) lies, and where each movement begins and ends. I use sticky tabs and mark each movement's beginning with a number or phrase to help me quickly get to the designated spot when the conductor calls the place. Then, before I sing a precious note, I walk through the lyrics so that I know what I'm singing about and how I think I should respond to the text. If it is in a foreign language, I put a snippet of the phrase for each text above the beginning of the movement. Then, I look through the text and the music only rhythmically - I still haven't listened to it or used my piano skills to help me figure out the music. I check the tricky rhythms- circle them if necessary to make sure I'm paying attention, note where awkward page turns probably indicate I should copy the next page's notes on the previous page. All of this before the first rehearsal. Finally, after doing all of the above, and still before the first rehearsal, I look at the notes - but honestly, not so much. I sight read well and frankly sort of love the challenge of it all.
I do beleive that "sight reading" as well as I do is all a matter of preparation. By the time I get to the first rehearsal I'm very familiar with the layout of the score. Even if I get it later than usual I can still manage to at least mark movements with tabs and not where choral entrances are.
Once rehearsal begins I write down what we will be looking at in upcoming rehearsals when the conductor says so. It really doesn't matter to me if we actually get to it in the next rehearsal - I just know that I have done what is asked of me. Every day, I walk through the specific areas and then I walk through the entire piece. This does not involve music being played or listened to usually. Sometimes it does, more often, I hear it in my head. As rehearsals progress, I'm never without a pencil. I write down most markings - including those not my own, write down special pronunciations, etc. I have a fantastic memory but I have discovered throughout the years that even the most "perfect" memory in the world is no guarantee of brain fade and so, I write it all down. If I don't need it - so be it. I just don't have to worry about injuring my own ego LOL I know I can do it - I just have a fall back.
That's my preparation - and it continues through the last performance. In addition, I take care of my voice, always try to sing properly and play my own game. I'm usually very quiet in rehearsal as I'm totally focused on what I am doing. I seldom do much socializing and I'm really just "in a zone". Needless to say, I love it.
So, what does this have to do with a compliment? Last night, unsolicited and totally unexpected, the lead of our show comes up to me and says "You are so professional. It is obvious that you are prepared and knowledgeable about your music. You put effort, time and energy into your best product - and it's evident." That made me fel very flattered and it felt great. I DO work very, very hard. I don't know if I work harder than others, that is irrelevant. I work hard because I work hard and I need to work hard in order to be satisfied with what I have done. If I haven't brought my best - then I have failed.
It's just nice to have someone notice who doesn't know my work ethic. Makes me realize that it is worth it. That the music and, more importantly, my fellow performers are worth my effort.
First, let me explain my personal philosophy of preparation for a concert. When I know I'm doing a piece of music I first make sure that I'm familiar with the layout of the piece. This includes noting where the chorus enters, where my part (as much as I am able) lies, and where each movement begins and ends. I use sticky tabs and mark each movement's beginning with a number or phrase to help me quickly get to the designated spot when the conductor calls the place. Then, before I sing a precious note, I walk through the lyrics so that I know what I'm singing about and how I think I should respond to the text. If it is in a foreign language, I put a snippet of the phrase for each text above the beginning of the movement. Then, I look through the text and the music only rhythmically - I still haven't listened to it or used my piano skills to help me figure out the music. I check the tricky rhythms- circle them if necessary to make sure I'm paying attention, note where awkward page turns probably indicate I should copy the next page's notes on the previous page. All of this before the first rehearsal. Finally, after doing all of the above, and still before the first rehearsal, I look at the notes - but honestly, not so much. I sight read well and frankly sort of love the challenge of it all.
I do beleive that "sight reading" as well as I do is all a matter of preparation. By the time I get to the first rehearsal I'm very familiar with the layout of the score. Even if I get it later than usual I can still manage to at least mark movements with tabs and not where choral entrances are.
Once rehearsal begins I write down what we will be looking at in upcoming rehearsals when the conductor says so. It really doesn't matter to me if we actually get to it in the next rehearsal - I just know that I have done what is asked of me. Every day, I walk through the specific areas and then I walk through the entire piece. This does not involve music being played or listened to usually. Sometimes it does, more often, I hear it in my head. As rehearsals progress, I'm never without a pencil. I write down most markings - including those not my own, write down special pronunciations, etc. I have a fantastic memory but I have discovered throughout the years that even the most "perfect" memory in the world is no guarantee of brain fade and so, I write it all down. If I don't need it - so be it. I just don't have to worry about injuring my own ego LOL I know I can do it - I just have a fall back.
That's my preparation - and it continues through the last performance. In addition, I take care of my voice, always try to sing properly and play my own game. I'm usually very quiet in rehearsal as I'm totally focused on what I am doing. I seldom do much socializing and I'm really just "in a zone". Needless to say, I love it.
So, what does this have to do with a compliment? Last night, unsolicited and totally unexpected, the lead of our show comes up to me and says "You are so professional. It is obvious that you are prepared and knowledgeable about your music. You put effort, time and energy into your best product - and it's evident." That made me fel very flattered and it felt great. I DO work very, very hard. I don't know if I work harder than others, that is irrelevant. I work hard because I work hard and I need to work hard in order to be satisfied with what I have done. If I haven't brought my best - then I have failed.
It's just nice to have someone notice who doesn't know my work ethic. Makes me realize that it is worth it. That the music and, more importantly, my fellow performers are worth my effort.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
What does it mean?
What does it mean to be the best? Does everyone want to be the best? Is being your best something you should always strive to accomplish?
In my world, in my head I want to become better and better at what I do - be that singing, teaching, or interacting with my fellow man/woman. So what is required of someone who wants to be their best at something?
I think you are required to go further and think more quickly than the person below you. You cannot accomplish superior things with inferior drive. I am pretty sure this applies to music. Somewhere along the line you have to make a decision - do you jump in with both feet, putting your best effort into everything, going above the call of duty on every occasion or do you decide to be content with your current location?
I have, in the last 5 months, made the decision to go further than I am now. I push myself and I grow with every rehearsal, every piece, every struggle, every mistake. I am giving more than I have ever given before. But, I only do it because it is a committment that I decided I had to make in order to satisfy the inner soul of me.
As a result, I am ready to go on to bigger and more complicated things. Things I don't get. Things that cause me to lose sleep. To practice until I cannot see straight. I want to find the pinnacle of "try" for a chorister of my calibre. I refuse to be stopped, weighed down, criticized, or laughed into complacency.
I think, and I think rightly, that it is time for our Chamber Chorus to move on - and up. If you cannot cut it - and I'm not only talking vocally, I'm talking completely - using more time than you think you have - working harder than you think you can and sometimes harder than you actually want to work on any given day - I think that if you cannot do that then you should be content with doing less. That's okay. It is a choice you make - it is not one that is thrust upon you. And, it is a valid and perfectly acceptable choice.
When I marvel at the two things that I do and love doing- teaching and music- and I am enticed, charmed, romanced, and excited about both of them after a period of 40 years I am once again amazed at the absolute rightness of my choices of career and avocation. I am ready - let's move it on up - bring on the lions - I intend to slay them.
In my world, in my head I want to become better and better at what I do - be that singing, teaching, or interacting with my fellow man/woman. So what is required of someone who wants to be their best at something?
I think you are required to go further and think more quickly than the person below you. You cannot accomplish superior things with inferior drive. I am pretty sure this applies to music. Somewhere along the line you have to make a decision - do you jump in with both feet, putting your best effort into everything, going above the call of duty on every occasion or do you decide to be content with your current location?
I have, in the last 5 months, made the decision to go further than I am now. I push myself and I grow with every rehearsal, every piece, every struggle, every mistake. I am giving more than I have ever given before. But, I only do it because it is a committment that I decided I had to make in order to satisfy the inner soul of me.
As a result, I am ready to go on to bigger and more complicated things. Things I don't get. Things that cause me to lose sleep. To practice until I cannot see straight. I want to find the pinnacle of "try" for a chorister of my calibre. I refuse to be stopped, weighed down, criticized, or laughed into complacency.
I think, and I think rightly, that it is time for our Chamber Chorus to move on - and up. If you cannot cut it - and I'm not only talking vocally, I'm talking completely - using more time than you think you have - working harder than you think you can and sometimes harder than you actually want to work on any given day - I think that if you cannot do that then you should be content with doing less. That's okay. It is a choice you make - it is not one that is thrust upon you. And, it is a valid and perfectly acceptable choice.
When I marvel at the two things that I do and love doing- teaching and music- and I am enticed, charmed, romanced, and excited about both of them after a period of 40 years I am once again amazed at the absolute rightness of my choices of career and avocation. I am ready - let's move it on up - bring on the lions - I intend to slay them.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
I own a piece of the "Rach"
Bad pun. . . but it is close to describing how I feel.
Last night, right before we went on, my friend Diana and I looked at each other and decided then and there this piece was 'going down'! We high-fived and set our goals to making it work. And guess what - it worked.
I was determined to stay up on the pitch regardless of whatever I heard around me. When the piece starte I stayed high. When the piece continued - I stayed high. I refused to be led astray. I spent most of the evening on my toes working my )(&^(^*% off. But you know what? It wasn't just me. . . .I think there were about 30 other people determined to make it work. And it worked.
Was it perfect? Absolutely not. I've not sung a program yet that was perfect. Here's the question: does it matter if it wasn't perfect? And the answer to that is: No, it does not. Not only does it not matter - it matters so little as to be insignificant. If perfection is the goal for which we all strive (as it is) then we are all going to strive for a lifetime. However, was it music that the audience appreciated and was worthy of performing - yes.
My personal experience was that this was the hardest I've ever had to work on a stage in forever. I LOVE IT. Boy, do I love it when I have to stretch and grow as a musician. Sometimes we all get jaded and rest on our laurels. This showed me that there is passion to find and other hills to still conquer. It amazes me that after 40+ years of singing with choral groups that there are still pieces which demand every ounce of musicianship I have - and then more. I did not hit a homerun on this piece. I made mistakes right and left. BUT, I had a blast!
I hope we continue stretching. I hope we continue to have pieces like this that take every ounce of blood, sweat, and tears I have. If we do not get pieces like this to pull us out of shape and twist us into new ways of thinking then we are dead in the water. What would it be like if everything were attainable without effort? Boring is the answer. I was not bored. I was exhilirated. . . .and tired.
So, I'm very content with the performance. Don't care what anyone else thinks. Don't care if the critics liked it. I was happy. And, if I brought all I had and left it on the stage then that is all I can do. I hope everyone had the same experience!
Let's do it again !
Last night, right before we went on, my friend Diana and I looked at each other and decided then and there this piece was 'going down'! We high-fived and set our goals to making it work. And guess what - it worked.
I was determined to stay up on the pitch regardless of whatever I heard around me. When the piece starte I stayed high. When the piece continued - I stayed high. I refused to be led astray. I spent most of the evening on my toes working my )(&^(^*% off. But you know what? It wasn't just me. . . .I think there were about 30 other people determined to make it work. And it worked.
Was it perfect? Absolutely not. I've not sung a program yet that was perfect. Here's the question: does it matter if it wasn't perfect? And the answer to that is: No, it does not. Not only does it not matter - it matters so little as to be insignificant. If perfection is the goal for which we all strive (as it is) then we are all going to strive for a lifetime. However, was it music that the audience appreciated and was worthy of performing - yes.
My personal experience was that this was the hardest I've ever had to work on a stage in forever. I LOVE IT. Boy, do I love it when I have to stretch and grow as a musician. Sometimes we all get jaded and rest on our laurels. This showed me that there is passion to find and other hills to still conquer. It amazes me that after 40+ years of singing with choral groups that there are still pieces which demand every ounce of musicianship I have - and then more. I did not hit a homerun on this piece. I made mistakes right and left. BUT, I had a blast!
I hope we continue stretching. I hope we continue to have pieces like this that take every ounce of blood, sweat, and tears I have. If we do not get pieces like this to pull us out of shape and twist us into new ways of thinking then we are dead in the water. What would it be like if everything were attainable without effort? Boring is the answer. I was not bored. I was exhilirated. . . .and tired.
So, I'm very content with the performance. Don't care what anyone else thinks. Don't care if the critics liked it. I was happy. And, if I brought all I had and left it on the stage then that is all I can do. I hope everyone had the same experience!
Let's do it again !
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Rachmaninoff Vespers
I used to say the Beethoven Missa Solemnis was the hardest thing I've ever sung. I would like to put it in position number two now and put the Rachmaninoff Vespers in position number one.
That being said - I love singing it for many reasons. First, it is incredibly beautiful. Having been to Russia I can just imagine singing this in an onion domed sanctuary. . .the air heavy with incense and colorful robed priests intoning behind a screen covered with icons.
Another reason I love singing it is because it stretched me as a singer. I have done many pieces in my lifetime. Two file cabinets full of choral music - many huge works - many vocally taxing works. Nothing like this.
I started looking at this piece as soon as I got the music. I looked at it, marked it, tabbed it, marked the meter changes, and listened to it over and over and over again - and it still kicked my butt . . .love that. After you've done as many pieces as I have it's great to sing something new that pushes you to new heights. It pushed my ability to dedicate myself to a piece of music to the exclusion of many other things. It defined for me that my desire to be a musician of high calibre is very important to me and that I will make the time to find that height. It created new ears for me - ears to hear and to listen. It gave me new found respect for an amazing conductor who took an all volunteer chorus through a piece that many professional choruses have crucified themselves upon.
It made me realize, on the other hand, that some folks just don't get it. Some folks are too casual. I realize it's all volunteer, but I rapidly see change coming. I think that the direction in which we are headed is to a more professional chorus. As a non- music major I have to be above board and charging with a work ethic that won't quit if I want to make the cut. I think I will. I do not think I'll sing everything from here on out. I acquitted myself well on this piece but man - it took a long time to learn it and I still don't have it learned. I do my best.
I cannot speak for other people. I know there was angst, anger, and anxiety. I didn't feel it. When my feet are held to the fire verbally or literally I usually just try to conquer the problem with a full-speed ahead. I hope that was appreciated - apparently it was. All I ever want to be is a good chorister. I hope I'm about halfway to achieving that.
It's a privilege to sing with this group - one I do not have title to without working my butt off to keep my spot. I intend to keep my spot.
Exhausted and elated
That being said - I love singing it for many reasons. First, it is incredibly beautiful. Having been to Russia I can just imagine singing this in an onion domed sanctuary. . .the air heavy with incense and colorful robed priests intoning behind a screen covered with icons.
Another reason I love singing it is because it stretched me as a singer. I have done many pieces in my lifetime. Two file cabinets full of choral music - many huge works - many vocally taxing works. Nothing like this.
I started looking at this piece as soon as I got the music. I looked at it, marked it, tabbed it, marked the meter changes, and listened to it over and over and over again - and it still kicked my butt . . .love that. After you've done as many pieces as I have it's great to sing something new that pushes you to new heights. It pushed my ability to dedicate myself to a piece of music to the exclusion of many other things. It defined for me that my desire to be a musician of high calibre is very important to me and that I will make the time to find that height. It created new ears for me - ears to hear and to listen. It gave me new found respect for an amazing conductor who took an all volunteer chorus through a piece that many professional choruses have crucified themselves upon.
It made me realize, on the other hand, that some folks just don't get it. Some folks are too casual. I realize it's all volunteer, but I rapidly see change coming. I think that the direction in which we are headed is to a more professional chorus. As a non- music major I have to be above board and charging with a work ethic that won't quit if I want to make the cut. I think I will. I do not think I'll sing everything from here on out. I acquitted myself well on this piece but man - it took a long time to learn it and I still don't have it learned. I do my best.
I cannot speak for other people. I know there was angst, anger, and anxiety. I didn't feel it. When my feet are held to the fire verbally or literally I usually just try to conquer the problem with a full-speed ahead. I hope that was appreciated - apparently it was. All I ever want to be is a good chorister. I hope I'm about halfway to achieving that.
It's a privilege to sing with this group - one I do not have title to without working my butt off to keep my spot. I intend to keep my spot.
Exhausted and elated
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Question Answered
Well, Chamber Chorus did not rise to my expectations. Some did. Most didn't. However, that being said I think it will still work. But is that enough?
Is it enough to be good enough?
Is it enough to be satisfied with your performance?
Is it enough to think you know your part and criticize those whom you think don't know theirs?
Are my expectations reasonable?
Who knows? I only know that we have one concerned Conductor. Now is not the time to play it safe. It's a time to know it and know you know it. It's not the time to be a part of the timid crowd but a time to be a leader - a strong leader. I have a feeling that if people don't step up at this time - they'll be asked to step down later.
You cannot beg for food to eat and then, when it's given to you, cry and ask for milk. You either chew the stuff up and swallow it - or you stay in the crib. It's tough music and it calls for tough people. I hope we have them.
Is it enough to be good enough?
Is it enough to be satisfied with your performance?
Is it enough to think you know your part and criticize those whom you think don't know theirs?
Are my expectations reasonable?
Who knows? I only know that we have one concerned Conductor. Now is not the time to play it safe. It's a time to know it and know you know it. It's not the time to be a part of the timid crowd but a time to be a leader - a strong leader. I have a feeling that if people don't step up at this time - they'll be asked to step down later.
You cannot beg for food to eat and then, when it's given to you, cry and ask for milk. You either chew the stuff up and swallow it - or you stay in the crib. It's tough music and it calls for tough people. I hope we have them.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Cautious Concern
I'm worried.
I'm worried that not enough time is left for the Chamber Chorus to pull off their part in the Rachmaninoff Vespers. I am probably worrying unnecessarily - but still. The full chorus has the full support of oer 120 people. The Chamber Chorus has to hold up their end of the tent by themselves.
It remains to be seen if they have the work ethic to do so.
I'm worried that not enough time is left for the Chamber Chorus to pull off their part in the Rachmaninoff Vespers. I am probably worrying unnecessarily - but still. The full chorus has the full support of oer 120 people. The Chamber Chorus has to hold up their end of the tent by themselves.
It remains to be seen if they have the work ethic to do so.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Russian Roulette
If you were to look at my music for the Rachmaninoff Vespers right now - you'd think I had totally lost my mind. There are arrows going every which way. I have doublings upon doublings - weird leaps from tenor to alto to second soprano. I love it. It's challenging.
I have no criticism for my fellow singers. Everyone is doing a beautiful job of struggling with the Russian and taking the markings and doing their level best to get it done. We have some time. It will all work - it always does.
I do have one worry. I sing with the Chamber Chorus. What I am very worried about is that they will fall short of the mark. They MUST rehearse on their own time. They have to sit down and go through rhythms and words (so much more important than the notes) If you can get one thing under your belt that you do not have to worry about then you can concentrate on the notes. I fear, however, that their lackadaisical, keep it in the back seat between rehearsals approach is going to rear it's ugly head. It's my same rant: if you say you're elite - be elite. I know that our Mo. is bringing in "ringers" for this concert. I double-dog dare ANYONE to object. He's going to bring them in because the sound isn't right - the sopranos are not big enough for Russian; the men's section are not big enough for Russian; the altos are not big enough for Russian. And I would bet you, every single singer will take the wrong attitude. It isn't about being "insulted" it is about being aided by better singers. Did I say that? Yep. Better singers.
Here is one thing that will be nasty for me though. If someone who is the same as me - a competent singer - but without a professional music degree - who cannot read as well as I do. . that would be a hard pill to swallow - especially if they had an attitude (yep, I have someone specifically in mind)
But I digress. . . back to expectations.
In my dream world, Chamber Chorus singers would practice at least an hour a day (whether it is with your piano or without). They would keep their mouths quiet during rehearsals and would always have a pencil. They would sing....out....and make BIG mistakes. Then, they would approach a concert with excitement and joy. And afterward, they wouldn't spend an hour or two running down everything that was awful about the concert. They would sit back and let it ride. Everyone wants a "do over". If you are doing your best - you are doing your best. They would ask for sectionals - or make their own. They would be the best choristers - I honestly do not think that they have an option not to be. We have people in the full chorus who sing with more passion than those in Chamber and, frankly, I'd welcome them.
Rachmaninoff is not going to be learned on the fly. Not like you want to know it. There is nothing more uncomfortable than going on the stage not knowing your music COLD. However, that really isn't the conductor's problem - that's ours. I will do my part to get it done. I'm sure everyone is also doing so. We call that - giving them the benefit of the doubt. The week before the concert, if things are ragged, then I'll have a few words to say about effort and work ethic.
Until then - let's all have a blast!
I have no criticism for my fellow singers. Everyone is doing a beautiful job of struggling with the Russian and taking the markings and doing their level best to get it done. We have some time. It will all work - it always does.
I do have one worry. I sing with the Chamber Chorus. What I am very worried about is that they will fall short of the mark. They MUST rehearse on their own time. They have to sit down and go through rhythms and words (so much more important than the notes) If you can get one thing under your belt that you do not have to worry about then you can concentrate on the notes. I fear, however, that their lackadaisical, keep it in the back seat between rehearsals approach is going to rear it's ugly head. It's my same rant: if you say you're elite - be elite. I know that our Mo. is bringing in "ringers" for this concert. I double-dog dare ANYONE to object. He's going to bring them in because the sound isn't right - the sopranos are not big enough for Russian; the men's section are not big enough for Russian; the altos are not big enough for Russian. And I would bet you, every single singer will take the wrong attitude. It isn't about being "insulted" it is about being aided by better singers. Did I say that? Yep. Better singers.
Here is one thing that will be nasty for me though. If someone who is the same as me - a competent singer - but without a professional music degree - who cannot read as well as I do. . that would be a hard pill to swallow - especially if they had an attitude (yep, I have someone specifically in mind)
But I digress. . . back to expectations.
In my dream world, Chamber Chorus singers would practice at least an hour a day (whether it is with your piano or without). They would keep their mouths quiet during rehearsals and would always have a pencil. They would sing....out....and make BIG mistakes. Then, they would approach a concert with excitement and joy. And afterward, they wouldn't spend an hour or two running down everything that was awful about the concert. They would sit back and let it ride. Everyone wants a "do over". If you are doing your best - you are doing your best. They would ask for sectionals - or make their own. They would be the best choristers - I honestly do not think that they have an option not to be. We have people in the full chorus who sing with more passion than those in Chamber and, frankly, I'd welcome them.
Rachmaninoff is not going to be learned on the fly. Not like you want to know it. There is nothing more uncomfortable than going on the stage not knowing your music COLD. However, that really isn't the conductor's problem - that's ours. I will do my part to get it done. I'm sure everyone is also doing so. We call that - giving them the benefit of the doubt. The week before the concert, if things are ragged, then I'll have a few words to say about effort and work ethic.
Until then - let's all have a blast!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Opportunity and fulfillment
So, this week is Brigadoon - small village, disappears in the mist, 100 year overnights. . . you might know the piece.
I am the onstage acting chorus in a staged concert version of Brigadoon. In addition, I was asked to coordinate props and make sure that is smoothly run. I also acted as assistant to our director - and that was a joyful experience. As a matter of fact, I get joy out of all of the aspects of putting up a production.
I've been performing, on stage, for approximately 32 years. I've learned many things about performing. I've also learned that there are always things you CAN learn from every production. This has been an educational experience for me in many ways - more on that later.
One thing that I've seen on the stage with me this year is a large group of individuals who have never hit the footlights before. Many of them have spent most of their singing life standing on risers and being wonderful choristers. Now, they are asked to don costumes, sing, and remember blocking - oh, and interact and look as if they are members of a small, Scottish town in the mid 1700's.
You know what - they are doing a GREAT job. I love their enthusiasm and willingness and dedication. I've decided in the last year or so that my criticism of people's talents and abilities is irrelevant. I've also learned that everyone who sings loves to do so. I've also learned that when I criticize someone - I stop feeling so good about myself. The folks who have not been at this as long as I have - and there are only a handful on the stage that have been - are just as excited and just as interested and invested in giving it their "all" as I am. Wow - to be surrounded by that kind of energy is so uplifting!
I've also learned to be kinder to myself. When I make a mistake - and I do every single time - I do not dwell on it. . . I don't repeat the same mistake twice - but I don't dwell on it. My heart breaks when I see self-critical perfectionists who are really doing a fantastic job - make faces at themselves, kick themselves and in general belittle themselves visibly. That is their demon to exorcise - but I do wish they wouldn't. Relax and grant yourself the grace you deserve.
The only fly in the ointment for me is that one person who wasn't cast is not very happy - and as this person is a member of a close friendship group - it bothers me a lot. But again, that is her demon to exorcise - not mine.
So, the ultimate learning experience for me is this - play your own game, forgive yourself, have fun!
Isn't that the point?
I am the onstage acting chorus in a staged concert version of Brigadoon. In addition, I was asked to coordinate props and make sure that is smoothly run. I also acted as assistant to our director - and that was a joyful experience. As a matter of fact, I get joy out of all of the aspects of putting up a production.
I've been performing, on stage, for approximately 32 years. I've learned many things about performing. I've also learned that there are always things you CAN learn from every production. This has been an educational experience for me in many ways - more on that later.
One thing that I've seen on the stage with me this year is a large group of individuals who have never hit the footlights before. Many of them have spent most of their singing life standing on risers and being wonderful choristers. Now, they are asked to don costumes, sing, and remember blocking - oh, and interact and look as if they are members of a small, Scottish town in the mid 1700's.
You know what - they are doing a GREAT job. I love their enthusiasm and willingness and dedication. I've decided in the last year or so that my criticism of people's talents and abilities is irrelevant. I've also learned that everyone who sings loves to do so. I've also learned that when I criticize someone - I stop feeling so good about myself. The folks who have not been at this as long as I have - and there are only a handful on the stage that have been - are just as excited and just as interested and invested in giving it their "all" as I am. Wow - to be surrounded by that kind of energy is so uplifting!
I've also learned to be kinder to myself. When I make a mistake - and I do every single time - I do not dwell on it. . . I don't repeat the same mistake twice - but I don't dwell on it. My heart breaks when I see self-critical perfectionists who are really doing a fantastic job - make faces at themselves, kick themselves and in general belittle themselves visibly. That is their demon to exorcise - but I do wish they wouldn't. Relax and grant yourself the grace you deserve.
The only fly in the ointment for me is that one person who wasn't cast is not very happy - and as this person is a member of a close friendship group - it bothers me a lot. But again, that is her demon to exorcise - not mine.
So, the ultimate learning experience for me is this - play your own game, forgive yourself, have fun!
Isn't that the point?
Thursday, February 05, 2009
The Process
The process that I have observed for the last 25+ years of being a member of a particular singing organization has changed very little. You would think with the evolution of mankind/womankind that the anxieties and insecurities and superiority complexes of singers would have evolved upward - to a higher plain. I would like to say HA! to that.
You see, everyone knows better than the next person. It's amazing how singers who should know about sound and acoustics and the wonders of sound's movement through space can think their singular experience are others' experiences. The conductor, orchestra, audience - each have a better idea of what the "group" sounds like. Individuals get so stuck on criticizing their nearest neighbor that they lose focus.
Of course, people will tell you they aren't losing focus - they are just concerned about the sound. Honestly, that's what I pay the conductor to worry about. My job, as I see it, is to be the best I can be. If I'm good enough and have put enough time into study and learning my music I then become - shocking I know - a LEADER. Leader's have to be above the norm and with music that means putting in the study time, marking the score, noticing the changes in harmony - delving deeper than, "Oh, I know my part." Great, and necessary - but do you know the music. What about the composer? What about the way your part relates to another part? What about the sound you must produce - not your neighbor? What about when you make a mistake - and you do - looking at it carefully and not repeating it twice? What about a pencil. . .a simple pencil. .to write down your markings? What about listening when the conductor talks instead of talking?
Do I always follow all those rules? No. Do I TRY to follow all those rules? Yes. I've been active in choruses for 42 years. I still work very, very hard on my music. I read music really well - better than most - but I do not rest on that as a predictor of my musicality - I work at it darn it. And it kind of ticks me off a bit when people who don't are the most vocal critics in the room.
Ranting Rambler
You see, everyone knows better than the next person. It's amazing how singers who should know about sound and acoustics and the wonders of sound's movement through space can think their singular experience are others' experiences. The conductor, orchestra, audience - each have a better idea of what the "group" sounds like. Individuals get so stuck on criticizing their nearest neighbor that they lose focus.
Of course, people will tell you they aren't losing focus - they are just concerned about the sound. Honestly, that's what I pay the conductor to worry about. My job, as I see it, is to be the best I can be. If I'm good enough and have put enough time into study and learning my music I then become - shocking I know - a LEADER. Leader's have to be above the norm and with music that means putting in the study time, marking the score, noticing the changes in harmony - delving deeper than, "Oh, I know my part." Great, and necessary - but do you know the music. What about the composer? What about the way your part relates to another part? What about the sound you must produce - not your neighbor? What about when you make a mistake - and you do - looking at it carefully and not repeating it twice? What about a pencil. . .a simple pencil. .to write down your markings? What about listening when the conductor talks instead of talking?
Do I always follow all those rules? No. Do I TRY to follow all those rules? Yes. I've been active in choruses for 42 years. I still work very, very hard on my music. I read music really well - better than most - but I do not rest on that as a predictor of my musicality - I work at it darn it. And it kind of ticks me off a bit when people who don't are the most vocal critics in the room.
Ranting Rambler
Monday, February 02, 2009
Doing our Best
We're all doing our best.
We can all do better.
Doing better involves effort.
Effort requires more than lip service
Effort requires work
Nothing you put effort into will ever be a waste of time.
You cannot throw stones until you live in a house of brick yourself.
We can all do better.
Doing better involves effort.
Effort requires more than lip service
Effort requires work
Nothing you put effort into will ever be a waste of time.
You cannot throw stones until you live in a house of brick yourself.
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