What does it mean to be the best? Does everyone want to be the best? Is being your best something you should always strive to accomplish?
In my world, in my head I want to become better and better at what I do - be that singing, teaching, or interacting with my fellow man/woman. So what is required of someone who wants to be their best at something?
I think you are required to go further and think more quickly than the person below you. You cannot accomplish superior things with inferior drive. I am pretty sure this applies to music. Somewhere along the line you have to make a decision - do you jump in with both feet, putting your best effort into everything, going above the call of duty on every occasion or do you decide to be content with your current location?
I have, in the last 5 months, made the decision to go further than I am now. I push myself and I grow with every rehearsal, every piece, every struggle, every mistake. I am giving more than I have ever given before. But, I only do it because it is a committment that I decided I had to make in order to satisfy the inner soul of me.
As a result, I am ready to go on to bigger and more complicated things. Things I don't get. Things that cause me to lose sleep. To practice until I cannot see straight. I want to find the pinnacle of "try" for a chorister of my calibre. I refuse to be stopped, weighed down, criticized, or laughed into complacency.
I think, and I think rightly, that it is time for our Chamber Chorus to move on - and up. If you cannot cut it - and I'm not only talking vocally, I'm talking completely - using more time than you think you have - working harder than you think you can and sometimes harder than you actually want to work on any given day - I think that if you cannot do that then you should be content with doing less. That's okay. It is a choice you make - it is not one that is thrust upon you. And, it is a valid and perfectly acceptable choice.
When I marvel at the two things that I do and love doing- teaching and music- and I am enticed, charmed, romanced, and excited about both of them after a period of 40 years I am once again amazed at the absolute rightness of my choices of career and avocation. I am ready - let's move it on up - bring on the lions - I intend to slay them.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
I own a piece of the "Rach"
Bad pun. . . but it is close to describing how I feel.
Last night, right before we went on, my friend Diana and I looked at each other and decided then and there this piece was 'going down'! We high-fived and set our goals to making it work. And guess what - it worked.
I was determined to stay up on the pitch regardless of whatever I heard around me. When the piece starte I stayed high. When the piece continued - I stayed high. I refused to be led astray. I spent most of the evening on my toes working my )(&^(^*% off. But you know what? It wasn't just me. . . .I think there were about 30 other people determined to make it work. And it worked.
Was it perfect? Absolutely not. I've not sung a program yet that was perfect. Here's the question: does it matter if it wasn't perfect? And the answer to that is: No, it does not. Not only does it not matter - it matters so little as to be insignificant. If perfection is the goal for which we all strive (as it is) then we are all going to strive for a lifetime. However, was it music that the audience appreciated and was worthy of performing - yes.
My personal experience was that this was the hardest I've ever had to work on a stage in forever. I LOVE IT. Boy, do I love it when I have to stretch and grow as a musician. Sometimes we all get jaded and rest on our laurels. This showed me that there is passion to find and other hills to still conquer. It amazes me that after 40+ years of singing with choral groups that there are still pieces which demand every ounce of musicianship I have - and then more. I did not hit a homerun on this piece. I made mistakes right and left. BUT, I had a blast!
I hope we continue stretching. I hope we continue to have pieces like this that take every ounce of blood, sweat, and tears I have. If we do not get pieces like this to pull us out of shape and twist us into new ways of thinking then we are dead in the water. What would it be like if everything were attainable without effort? Boring is the answer. I was not bored. I was exhilirated. . . .and tired.
So, I'm very content with the performance. Don't care what anyone else thinks. Don't care if the critics liked it. I was happy. And, if I brought all I had and left it on the stage then that is all I can do. I hope everyone had the same experience!
Let's do it again !
Last night, right before we went on, my friend Diana and I looked at each other and decided then and there this piece was 'going down'! We high-fived and set our goals to making it work. And guess what - it worked.
I was determined to stay up on the pitch regardless of whatever I heard around me. When the piece starte I stayed high. When the piece continued - I stayed high. I refused to be led astray. I spent most of the evening on my toes working my )(&^(^*% off. But you know what? It wasn't just me. . . .I think there were about 30 other people determined to make it work. And it worked.
Was it perfect? Absolutely not. I've not sung a program yet that was perfect. Here's the question: does it matter if it wasn't perfect? And the answer to that is: No, it does not. Not only does it not matter - it matters so little as to be insignificant. If perfection is the goal for which we all strive (as it is) then we are all going to strive for a lifetime. However, was it music that the audience appreciated and was worthy of performing - yes.
My personal experience was that this was the hardest I've ever had to work on a stage in forever. I LOVE IT. Boy, do I love it when I have to stretch and grow as a musician. Sometimes we all get jaded and rest on our laurels. This showed me that there is passion to find and other hills to still conquer. It amazes me that after 40+ years of singing with choral groups that there are still pieces which demand every ounce of musicianship I have - and then more. I did not hit a homerun on this piece. I made mistakes right and left. BUT, I had a blast!
I hope we continue stretching. I hope we continue to have pieces like this that take every ounce of blood, sweat, and tears I have. If we do not get pieces like this to pull us out of shape and twist us into new ways of thinking then we are dead in the water. What would it be like if everything were attainable without effort? Boring is the answer. I was not bored. I was exhilirated. . . .and tired.
So, I'm very content with the performance. Don't care what anyone else thinks. Don't care if the critics liked it. I was happy. And, if I brought all I had and left it on the stage then that is all I can do. I hope everyone had the same experience!
Let's do it again !
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Rachmaninoff Vespers
I used to say the Beethoven Missa Solemnis was the hardest thing I've ever sung. I would like to put it in position number two now and put the Rachmaninoff Vespers in position number one.
That being said - I love singing it for many reasons. First, it is incredibly beautiful. Having been to Russia I can just imagine singing this in an onion domed sanctuary. . .the air heavy with incense and colorful robed priests intoning behind a screen covered with icons.
Another reason I love singing it is because it stretched me as a singer. I have done many pieces in my lifetime. Two file cabinets full of choral music - many huge works - many vocally taxing works. Nothing like this.
I started looking at this piece as soon as I got the music. I looked at it, marked it, tabbed it, marked the meter changes, and listened to it over and over and over again - and it still kicked my butt . . .love that. After you've done as many pieces as I have it's great to sing something new that pushes you to new heights. It pushed my ability to dedicate myself to a piece of music to the exclusion of many other things. It defined for me that my desire to be a musician of high calibre is very important to me and that I will make the time to find that height. It created new ears for me - ears to hear and to listen. It gave me new found respect for an amazing conductor who took an all volunteer chorus through a piece that many professional choruses have crucified themselves upon.
It made me realize, on the other hand, that some folks just don't get it. Some folks are too casual. I realize it's all volunteer, but I rapidly see change coming. I think that the direction in which we are headed is to a more professional chorus. As a non- music major I have to be above board and charging with a work ethic that won't quit if I want to make the cut. I think I will. I do not think I'll sing everything from here on out. I acquitted myself well on this piece but man - it took a long time to learn it and I still don't have it learned. I do my best.
I cannot speak for other people. I know there was angst, anger, and anxiety. I didn't feel it. When my feet are held to the fire verbally or literally I usually just try to conquer the problem with a full-speed ahead. I hope that was appreciated - apparently it was. All I ever want to be is a good chorister. I hope I'm about halfway to achieving that.
It's a privilege to sing with this group - one I do not have title to without working my butt off to keep my spot. I intend to keep my spot.
Exhausted and elated
That being said - I love singing it for many reasons. First, it is incredibly beautiful. Having been to Russia I can just imagine singing this in an onion domed sanctuary. . .the air heavy with incense and colorful robed priests intoning behind a screen covered with icons.
Another reason I love singing it is because it stretched me as a singer. I have done many pieces in my lifetime. Two file cabinets full of choral music - many huge works - many vocally taxing works. Nothing like this.
I started looking at this piece as soon as I got the music. I looked at it, marked it, tabbed it, marked the meter changes, and listened to it over and over and over again - and it still kicked my butt . . .love that. After you've done as many pieces as I have it's great to sing something new that pushes you to new heights. It pushed my ability to dedicate myself to a piece of music to the exclusion of many other things. It defined for me that my desire to be a musician of high calibre is very important to me and that I will make the time to find that height. It created new ears for me - ears to hear and to listen. It gave me new found respect for an amazing conductor who took an all volunteer chorus through a piece that many professional choruses have crucified themselves upon.
It made me realize, on the other hand, that some folks just don't get it. Some folks are too casual. I realize it's all volunteer, but I rapidly see change coming. I think that the direction in which we are headed is to a more professional chorus. As a non- music major I have to be above board and charging with a work ethic that won't quit if I want to make the cut. I think I will. I do not think I'll sing everything from here on out. I acquitted myself well on this piece but man - it took a long time to learn it and I still don't have it learned. I do my best.
I cannot speak for other people. I know there was angst, anger, and anxiety. I didn't feel it. When my feet are held to the fire verbally or literally I usually just try to conquer the problem with a full-speed ahead. I hope that was appreciated - apparently it was. All I ever want to be is a good chorister. I hope I'm about halfway to achieving that.
It's a privilege to sing with this group - one I do not have title to without working my butt off to keep my spot. I intend to keep my spot.
Exhausted and elated
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Question Answered
Well, Chamber Chorus did not rise to my expectations. Some did. Most didn't. However, that being said I think it will still work. But is that enough?
Is it enough to be good enough?
Is it enough to be satisfied with your performance?
Is it enough to think you know your part and criticize those whom you think don't know theirs?
Are my expectations reasonable?
Who knows? I only know that we have one concerned Conductor. Now is not the time to play it safe. It's a time to know it and know you know it. It's not the time to be a part of the timid crowd but a time to be a leader - a strong leader. I have a feeling that if people don't step up at this time - they'll be asked to step down later.
You cannot beg for food to eat and then, when it's given to you, cry and ask for milk. You either chew the stuff up and swallow it - or you stay in the crib. It's tough music and it calls for tough people. I hope we have them.
Is it enough to be good enough?
Is it enough to be satisfied with your performance?
Is it enough to think you know your part and criticize those whom you think don't know theirs?
Are my expectations reasonable?
Who knows? I only know that we have one concerned Conductor. Now is not the time to play it safe. It's a time to know it and know you know it. It's not the time to be a part of the timid crowd but a time to be a leader - a strong leader. I have a feeling that if people don't step up at this time - they'll be asked to step down later.
You cannot beg for food to eat and then, when it's given to you, cry and ask for milk. You either chew the stuff up and swallow it - or you stay in the crib. It's tough music and it calls for tough people. I hope we have them.
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