"Noting" the New Year

Personal resolutions don't do it for me usually. I'mnot much on 'self improvement' as I've discovered that while I do have goals for myself - they can begin whenever they need to begin - on any day of the year. Take January 11 - Why not? or, February 4.

In the New Year I hope for all things to be better. I want another chance at being my best self. This extends to my music. In the year 2010 I hope to continue to revel in the joy of music. To think less about what I'm giving to the pursuit of music and more of what I'm getting FROM it and be eternally grateful that God deemed me worthy of the talent to do what I do.

I want to grow as a musician - I want to stretch. Mostly, I want to relax and just enjoy the music. To be lost in the sound and the harmony and the text and the melody. I want to wear my heart on my sleeve and not be screwed up by over analyzation of how I produce. At the same time, I want to be aware of how I'm singing. One does not exclude the other - but I've found that a technically perfect performance is not nearly as satisfying as a soul wrenching, turn you inside out, leave nothing on the stage sort of performance. THAT is what I want to do. I do not think they are mutually exclusive but I've found that if you dwell on technicality - the fun disappears and the magic evaporates.

Be technical - but not technical first. Music is a soul thing. It isn't a head thing. One must find a way to connect these disparate parts of self and revel in the simple joy of creating. To dissect something is to understande its parts. How does that help you to know the joy of living? I can dissect a frog - but do I get what it means to be frog? That may sound silly, but bear with me. I can dissect a piece of music ( and I do) or I can dissect my performance - but does that help me to understand the soul and vitality of the piece - no. In order to find myself and my joy in a piece of music I have to have complete trust in the ride. Same reason I ride rollercoasters. I'm not afraid. I just want the joy - the exhiliration of the experience. Do I fasten my seat belt? Keep my head back? Duh - sure - it's only safe. I feel the same way about music. But if I never got on the ride - never connected with the simple thrill - how would fastening the seatbelt enrich that experience?

One thing I've learned about music - if you are in control in all aspects of your life, or striving for control - music is one place where you can simply immerse yourself in the production of something better than you. You have the tools - the notes, the words, the support of a musician or two other than yourself. Your head - that nagging little negative that you live with all day - needs to stay out of it. Make a mistake - and go on. . .one mistake or two or three doesn't ruin the whole piece. It's the whole. The gestalt. The soul that is important.

So, in the new year I expect to continue to be obnoxious about the sheer joy of making music. I get to do this. Daggone - I'm privileged to sing BACH! Think about that. Most people hum Barry Manilow tunes and think that's prettty cool. I have the entire repertoire of music at my disposal and I get to sing it - me, I get to produce it. . isn't that freaking amazing!?

Thank God for the privilege. May I continue to have it for my lifetime.

Ecstatically Yours