What does it mean to be the best? Does everyone want to be the best? Is being your best something you should always strive to accomplish?
In my world, in my head I want to become better and better at what I do - be that singing, teaching, or interacting with my fellow man/woman. So what is required of someone who wants to be their best at something?
I think you are required to go further and think more quickly than the person below you. You cannot accomplish superior things with inferior drive. I am pretty sure this applies to music. Somewhere along the line you have to make a decision - do you jump in with both feet, putting your best effort into everything, going above the call of duty on every occasion or do you decide to be content with your current location?
I have, in the last 5 months, made the decision to go further than I am now. I push myself and I grow with every rehearsal, every piece, every struggle, every mistake. I am giving more than I have ever given before. But, I only do it because it is a committment that I decided I had to make in order to satisfy the inner soul of me.
As a result, I am ready to go on to bigger and more complicated things. Things I don't get. Things that cause me to lose sleep. To practice until I cannot see straight. I want to find the pinnacle of "try" for a chorister of my calibre. I refuse to be stopped, weighed down, criticized, or laughed into complacency.
I think, and I think rightly, that it is time for our Chamber Chorus to move on - and up. If you cannot cut it - and I'm not only talking vocally, I'm talking completely - using more time than you think you have - working harder than you think you can and sometimes harder than you actually want to work on any given day - I think that if you cannot do that then you should be content with doing less. That's okay. It is a choice you make - it is not one that is thrust upon you. And, it is a valid and perfectly acceptable choice.
When I marvel at the two things that I do and love doing- teaching and music- and I am enticed, charmed, romanced, and excited about both of them after a period of 40 years I am once again amazed at the absolute rightness of my choices of career and avocation. I am ready - let's move it on up - bring on the lions - I intend to slay them.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
I own a piece of the "Rach"
Bad pun. . . but it is close to describing how I feel.
Last night, right before we went on, my friend Diana and I looked at each other and decided then and there this piece was 'going down'! We high-fived and set our goals to making it work. And guess what - it worked.
I was determined to stay up on the pitch regardless of whatever I heard around me. When the piece starte I stayed high. When the piece continued - I stayed high. I refused to be led astray. I spent most of the evening on my toes working my )(&^(^*% off. But you know what? It wasn't just me. . . .I think there were about 30 other people determined to make it work. And it worked.
Was it perfect? Absolutely not. I've not sung a program yet that was perfect. Here's the question: does it matter if it wasn't perfect? And the answer to that is: No, it does not. Not only does it not matter - it matters so little as to be insignificant. If perfection is the goal for which we all strive (as it is) then we are all going to strive for a lifetime. However, was it music that the audience appreciated and was worthy of performing - yes.
My personal experience was that this was the hardest I've ever had to work on a stage in forever. I LOVE IT. Boy, do I love it when I have to stretch and grow as a musician. Sometimes we all get jaded and rest on our laurels. This showed me that there is passion to find and other hills to still conquer. It amazes me that after 40+ years of singing with choral groups that there are still pieces which demand every ounce of musicianship I have - and then more. I did not hit a homerun on this piece. I made mistakes right and left. BUT, I had a blast!
I hope we continue stretching. I hope we continue to have pieces like this that take every ounce of blood, sweat, and tears I have. If we do not get pieces like this to pull us out of shape and twist us into new ways of thinking then we are dead in the water. What would it be like if everything were attainable without effort? Boring is the answer. I was not bored. I was exhilirated. . . .and tired.
So, I'm very content with the performance. Don't care what anyone else thinks. Don't care if the critics liked it. I was happy. And, if I brought all I had and left it on the stage then that is all I can do. I hope everyone had the same experience!
Let's do it again !
Last night, right before we went on, my friend Diana and I looked at each other and decided then and there this piece was 'going down'! We high-fived and set our goals to making it work. And guess what - it worked.
I was determined to stay up on the pitch regardless of whatever I heard around me. When the piece starte I stayed high. When the piece continued - I stayed high. I refused to be led astray. I spent most of the evening on my toes working my )(&^(^*% off. But you know what? It wasn't just me. . . .I think there were about 30 other people determined to make it work. And it worked.
Was it perfect? Absolutely not. I've not sung a program yet that was perfect. Here's the question: does it matter if it wasn't perfect? And the answer to that is: No, it does not. Not only does it not matter - it matters so little as to be insignificant. If perfection is the goal for which we all strive (as it is) then we are all going to strive for a lifetime. However, was it music that the audience appreciated and was worthy of performing - yes.
My personal experience was that this was the hardest I've ever had to work on a stage in forever. I LOVE IT. Boy, do I love it when I have to stretch and grow as a musician. Sometimes we all get jaded and rest on our laurels. This showed me that there is passion to find and other hills to still conquer. It amazes me that after 40+ years of singing with choral groups that there are still pieces which demand every ounce of musicianship I have - and then more. I did not hit a homerun on this piece. I made mistakes right and left. BUT, I had a blast!
I hope we continue stretching. I hope we continue to have pieces like this that take every ounce of blood, sweat, and tears I have. If we do not get pieces like this to pull us out of shape and twist us into new ways of thinking then we are dead in the water. What would it be like if everything were attainable without effort? Boring is the answer. I was not bored. I was exhilirated. . . .and tired.
So, I'm very content with the performance. Don't care what anyone else thinks. Don't care if the critics liked it. I was happy. And, if I brought all I had and left it on the stage then that is all I can do. I hope everyone had the same experience!
Let's do it again !
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Rachmaninoff Vespers
I used to say the Beethoven Missa Solemnis was the hardest thing I've ever sung. I would like to put it in position number two now and put the Rachmaninoff Vespers in position number one.
That being said - I love singing it for many reasons. First, it is incredibly beautiful. Having been to Russia I can just imagine singing this in an onion domed sanctuary. . .the air heavy with incense and colorful robed priests intoning behind a screen covered with icons.
Another reason I love singing it is because it stretched me as a singer. I have done many pieces in my lifetime. Two file cabinets full of choral music - many huge works - many vocally taxing works. Nothing like this.
I started looking at this piece as soon as I got the music. I looked at it, marked it, tabbed it, marked the meter changes, and listened to it over and over and over again - and it still kicked my butt . . .love that. After you've done as many pieces as I have it's great to sing something new that pushes you to new heights. It pushed my ability to dedicate myself to a piece of music to the exclusion of many other things. It defined for me that my desire to be a musician of high calibre is very important to me and that I will make the time to find that height. It created new ears for me - ears to hear and to listen. It gave me new found respect for an amazing conductor who took an all volunteer chorus through a piece that many professional choruses have crucified themselves upon.
It made me realize, on the other hand, that some folks just don't get it. Some folks are too casual. I realize it's all volunteer, but I rapidly see change coming. I think that the direction in which we are headed is to a more professional chorus. As a non- music major I have to be above board and charging with a work ethic that won't quit if I want to make the cut. I think I will. I do not think I'll sing everything from here on out. I acquitted myself well on this piece but man - it took a long time to learn it and I still don't have it learned. I do my best.
I cannot speak for other people. I know there was angst, anger, and anxiety. I didn't feel it. When my feet are held to the fire verbally or literally I usually just try to conquer the problem with a full-speed ahead. I hope that was appreciated - apparently it was. All I ever want to be is a good chorister. I hope I'm about halfway to achieving that.
It's a privilege to sing with this group - one I do not have title to without working my butt off to keep my spot. I intend to keep my spot.
Exhausted and elated
That being said - I love singing it for many reasons. First, it is incredibly beautiful. Having been to Russia I can just imagine singing this in an onion domed sanctuary. . .the air heavy with incense and colorful robed priests intoning behind a screen covered with icons.
Another reason I love singing it is because it stretched me as a singer. I have done many pieces in my lifetime. Two file cabinets full of choral music - many huge works - many vocally taxing works. Nothing like this.
I started looking at this piece as soon as I got the music. I looked at it, marked it, tabbed it, marked the meter changes, and listened to it over and over and over again - and it still kicked my butt . . .love that. After you've done as many pieces as I have it's great to sing something new that pushes you to new heights. It pushed my ability to dedicate myself to a piece of music to the exclusion of many other things. It defined for me that my desire to be a musician of high calibre is very important to me and that I will make the time to find that height. It created new ears for me - ears to hear and to listen. It gave me new found respect for an amazing conductor who took an all volunteer chorus through a piece that many professional choruses have crucified themselves upon.
It made me realize, on the other hand, that some folks just don't get it. Some folks are too casual. I realize it's all volunteer, but I rapidly see change coming. I think that the direction in which we are headed is to a more professional chorus. As a non- music major I have to be above board and charging with a work ethic that won't quit if I want to make the cut. I think I will. I do not think I'll sing everything from here on out. I acquitted myself well on this piece but man - it took a long time to learn it and I still don't have it learned. I do my best.
I cannot speak for other people. I know there was angst, anger, and anxiety. I didn't feel it. When my feet are held to the fire verbally or literally I usually just try to conquer the problem with a full-speed ahead. I hope that was appreciated - apparently it was. All I ever want to be is a good chorister. I hope I'm about halfway to achieving that.
It's a privilege to sing with this group - one I do not have title to without working my butt off to keep my spot. I intend to keep my spot.
Exhausted and elated
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Question Answered
Well, Chamber Chorus did not rise to my expectations. Some did. Most didn't. However, that being said I think it will still work. But is that enough?
Is it enough to be good enough?
Is it enough to be satisfied with your performance?
Is it enough to think you know your part and criticize those whom you think don't know theirs?
Are my expectations reasonable?
Who knows? I only know that we have one concerned Conductor. Now is not the time to play it safe. It's a time to know it and know you know it. It's not the time to be a part of the timid crowd but a time to be a leader - a strong leader. I have a feeling that if people don't step up at this time - they'll be asked to step down later.
You cannot beg for food to eat and then, when it's given to you, cry and ask for milk. You either chew the stuff up and swallow it - or you stay in the crib. It's tough music and it calls for tough people. I hope we have them.
Is it enough to be good enough?
Is it enough to be satisfied with your performance?
Is it enough to think you know your part and criticize those whom you think don't know theirs?
Are my expectations reasonable?
Who knows? I only know that we have one concerned Conductor. Now is not the time to play it safe. It's a time to know it and know you know it. It's not the time to be a part of the timid crowd but a time to be a leader - a strong leader. I have a feeling that if people don't step up at this time - they'll be asked to step down later.
You cannot beg for food to eat and then, when it's given to you, cry and ask for milk. You either chew the stuff up and swallow it - or you stay in the crib. It's tough music and it calls for tough people. I hope we have them.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Cautious Concern
I'm worried.
I'm worried that not enough time is left for the Chamber Chorus to pull off their part in the Rachmaninoff Vespers. I am probably worrying unnecessarily - but still. The full chorus has the full support of oer 120 people. The Chamber Chorus has to hold up their end of the tent by themselves.
It remains to be seen if they have the work ethic to do so.
I'm worried that not enough time is left for the Chamber Chorus to pull off their part in the Rachmaninoff Vespers. I am probably worrying unnecessarily - but still. The full chorus has the full support of oer 120 people. The Chamber Chorus has to hold up their end of the tent by themselves.
It remains to be seen if they have the work ethic to do so.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Russian Roulette
If you were to look at my music for the Rachmaninoff Vespers right now - you'd think I had totally lost my mind. There are arrows going every which way. I have doublings upon doublings - weird leaps from tenor to alto to second soprano. I love it. It's challenging.
I have no criticism for my fellow singers. Everyone is doing a beautiful job of struggling with the Russian and taking the markings and doing their level best to get it done. We have some time. It will all work - it always does.
I do have one worry. I sing with the Chamber Chorus. What I am very worried about is that they will fall short of the mark. They MUST rehearse on their own time. They have to sit down and go through rhythms and words (so much more important than the notes) If you can get one thing under your belt that you do not have to worry about then you can concentrate on the notes. I fear, however, that their lackadaisical, keep it in the back seat between rehearsals approach is going to rear it's ugly head. It's my same rant: if you say you're elite - be elite. I know that our Mo. is bringing in "ringers" for this concert. I double-dog dare ANYONE to object. He's going to bring them in because the sound isn't right - the sopranos are not big enough for Russian; the men's section are not big enough for Russian; the altos are not big enough for Russian. And I would bet you, every single singer will take the wrong attitude. It isn't about being "insulted" it is about being aided by better singers. Did I say that? Yep. Better singers.
Here is one thing that will be nasty for me though. If someone who is the same as me - a competent singer - but without a professional music degree - who cannot read as well as I do. . that would be a hard pill to swallow - especially if they had an attitude (yep, I have someone specifically in mind)
But I digress. . . back to expectations.
In my dream world, Chamber Chorus singers would practice at least an hour a day (whether it is with your piano or without). They would keep their mouths quiet during rehearsals and would always have a pencil. They would sing....out....and make BIG mistakes. Then, they would approach a concert with excitement and joy. And afterward, they wouldn't spend an hour or two running down everything that was awful about the concert. They would sit back and let it ride. Everyone wants a "do over". If you are doing your best - you are doing your best. They would ask for sectionals - or make their own. They would be the best choristers - I honestly do not think that they have an option not to be. We have people in the full chorus who sing with more passion than those in Chamber and, frankly, I'd welcome them.
Rachmaninoff is not going to be learned on the fly. Not like you want to know it. There is nothing more uncomfortable than going on the stage not knowing your music COLD. However, that really isn't the conductor's problem - that's ours. I will do my part to get it done. I'm sure everyone is also doing so. We call that - giving them the benefit of the doubt. The week before the concert, if things are ragged, then I'll have a few words to say about effort and work ethic.
Until then - let's all have a blast!
I have no criticism for my fellow singers. Everyone is doing a beautiful job of struggling with the Russian and taking the markings and doing their level best to get it done. We have some time. It will all work - it always does.
I do have one worry. I sing with the Chamber Chorus. What I am very worried about is that they will fall short of the mark. They MUST rehearse on their own time. They have to sit down and go through rhythms and words (so much more important than the notes) If you can get one thing under your belt that you do not have to worry about then you can concentrate on the notes. I fear, however, that their lackadaisical, keep it in the back seat between rehearsals approach is going to rear it's ugly head. It's my same rant: if you say you're elite - be elite. I know that our Mo. is bringing in "ringers" for this concert. I double-dog dare ANYONE to object. He's going to bring them in because the sound isn't right - the sopranos are not big enough for Russian; the men's section are not big enough for Russian; the altos are not big enough for Russian. And I would bet you, every single singer will take the wrong attitude. It isn't about being "insulted" it is about being aided by better singers. Did I say that? Yep. Better singers.
Here is one thing that will be nasty for me though. If someone who is the same as me - a competent singer - but without a professional music degree - who cannot read as well as I do. . that would be a hard pill to swallow - especially if they had an attitude (yep, I have someone specifically in mind)
But I digress. . . back to expectations.
In my dream world, Chamber Chorus singers would practice at least an hour a day (whether it is with your piano or without). They would keep their mouths quiet during rehearsals and would always have a pencil. They would sing....out....and make BIG mistakes. Then, they would approach a concert with excitement and joy. And afterward, they wouldn't spend an hour or two running down everything that was awful about the concert. They would sit back and let it ride. Everyone wants a "do over". If you are doing your best - you are doing your best. They would ask for sectionals - or make their own. They would be the best choristers - I honestly do not think that they have an option not to be. We have people in the full chorus who sing with more passion than those in Chamber and, frankly, I'd welcome them.
Rachmaninoff is not going to be learned on the fly. Not like you want to know it. There is nothing more uncomfortable than going on the stage not knowing your music COLD. However, that really isn't the conductor's problem - that's ours. I will do my part to get it done. I'm sure everyone is also doing so. We call that - giving them the benefit of the doubt. The week before the concert, if things are ragged, then I'll have a few words to say about effort and work ethic.
Until then - let's all have a blast!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Opportunity and fulfillment
So, this week is Brigadoon - small village, disappears in the mist, 100 year overnights. . . you might know the piece.
I am the onstage acting chorus in a staged concert version of Brigadoon. In addition, I was asked to coordinate props and make sure that is smoothly run. I also acted as assistant to our director - and that was a joyful experience. As a matter of fact, I get joy out of all of the aspects of putting up a production.
I've been performing, on stage, for approximately 32 years. I've learned many things about performing. I've also learned that there are always things you CAN learn from every production. This has been an educational experience for me in many ways - more on that later.
One thing that I've seen on the stage with me this year is a large group of individuals who have never hit the footlights before. Many of them have spent most of their singing life standing on risers and being wonderful choristers. Now, they are asked to don costumes, sing, and remember blocking - oh, and interact and look as if they are members of a small, Scottish town in the mid 1700's.
You know what - they are doing a GREAT job. I love their enthusiasm and willingness and dedication. I've decided in the last year or so that my criticism of people's talents and abilities is irrelevant. I've also learned that everyone who sings loves to do so. I've also learned that when I criticize someone - I stop feeling so good about myself. The folks who have not been at this as long as I have - and there are only a handful on the stage that have been - are just as excited and just as interested and invested in giving it their "all" as I am. Wow - to be surrounded by that kind of energy is so uplifting!
I've also learned to be kinder to myself. When I make a mistake - and I do every single time - I do not dwell on it. . . I don't repeat the same mistake twice - but I don't dwell on it. My heart breaks when I see self-critical perfectionists who are really doing a fantastic job - make faces at themselves, kick themselves and in general belittle themselves visibly. That is their demon to exorcise - but I do wish they wouldn't. Relax and grant yourself the grace you deserve.
The only fly in the ointment for me is that one person who wasn't cast is not very happy - and as this person is a member of a close friendship group - it bothers me a lot. But again, that is her demon to exorcise - not mine.
So, the ultimate learning experience for me is this - play your own game, forgive yourself, have fun!
Isn't that the point?
I am the onstage acting chorus in a staged concert version of Brigadoon. In addition, I was asked to coordinate props and make sure that is smoothly run. I also acted as assistant to our director - and that was a joyful experience. As a matter of fact, I get joy out of all of the aspects of putting up a production.
I've been performing, on stage, for approximately 32 years. I've learned many things about performing. I've also learned that there are always things you CAN learn from every production. This has been an educational experience for me in many ways - more on that later.
One thing that I've seen on the stage with me this year is a large group of individuals who have never hit the footlights before. Many of them have spent most of their singing life standing on risers and being wonderful choristers. Now, they are asked to don costumes, sing, and remember blocking - oh, and interact and look as if they are members of a small, Scottish town in the mid 1700's.
You know what - they are doing a GREAT job. I love their enthusiasm and willingness and dedication. I've decided in the last year or so that my criticism of people's talents and abilities is irrelevant. I've also learned that everyone who sings loves to do so. I've also learned that when I criticize someone - I stop feeling so good about myself. The folks who have not been at this as long as I have - and there are only a handful on the stage that have been - are just as excited and just as interested and invested in giving it their "all" as I am. Wow - to be surrounded by that kind of energy is so uplifting!
I've also learned to be kinder to myself. When I make a mistake - and I do every single time - I do not dwell on it. . . I don't repeat the same mistake twice - but I don't dwell on it. My heart breaks when I see self-critical perfectionists who are really doing a fantastic job - make faces at themselves, kick themselves and in general belittle themselves visibly. That is their demon to exorcise - but I do wish they wouldn't. Relax and grant yourself the grace you deserve.
The only fly in the ointment for me is that one person who wasn't cast is not very happy - and as this person is a member of a close friendship group - it bothers me a lot. But again, that is her demon to exorcise - not mine.
So, the ultimate learning experience for me is this - play your own game, forgive yourself, have fun!
Isn't that the point?
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